How to Strengthen Your Relationship/learning to trust again


Hi i've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now and as pathetic as it might make me sound he has cheated on me 4 times that i know about. I took him back each time, i never asked him back out he always came back to me saying he messed up and wanted me back. Now he tells me that all the cheating and lies are behind us but i can't stop thinking something else is going to happen, because this is our last try to make things work.  I get extremely paranoid about any female friend he has and have pretty much told him to just not be friends with other women because i can't deal with that worry but he still does; and we recently had a fight about one of them because its a girl he cheated on me with and he didn't understand why i was so upset because he hasn't cheated. And i basically just said don't be friends with her and asked how he'd feel if the roles were reversed. we also have issues with communicating, we never really talked about his cheating because i could never get him to explain it. He grew up in DCF care and i think that could be part of the reason he doesn't like to talk about his emotions or feelings. It bothers me because i've asked him about why his mom couldn't raise him or what his life was like but he just shuts me out, i know he had a really rough time. Thank you any help would be greatly appreciated.

Hello Tia,

I am sorry. I filled out the form and answered this question but it is showing up that I did not answer it so don't know what happened. If you already got my answer then this will be a repeat.

What I said was that you cannot trust him and will never be able to trust him. People who lie are liars. We are not talking about a little fib on something that was not important. People who cheat are liars. If it happened only once then sometimes you can forgive and it works out.  Four times? That is a pattern and shows what kind of person he is and it is not good.

Now, people too often want things to be different so badly that they try to make up excuses for the person who is a cheat and a liar but then they find out that they have made a big mistake. A man who cheats four times shows who he is. He is not good partner or marriage material. It doesn't matter how he was raised or what happened to him in his life--lots of people have very difficult and even abusive things in their childhood and are good citizens who make something of their lives and are honest and not cheaters.

Now, you need to understand two things. People do exactly what they want to do and 2. they have a choice and can choose their behavior. You can never change someone like that.  He will tell you anything so you will stay with him because you are his comfort zone. If he loved you he would not cheat. It is that simple. No matter what he says, he is just using you as his comfort place while he looks around and still has contact with the women he cheated with even though he knows it hurts you.  Come on!!! He is being friends with the girl he cheated with and selling you the lie that he won't cheat with her again after he has cheated four time?

Don't be so gullible!! If he cared he would stay a mile away from this girl so that you wouldn't worry.  

He will probably be a cheater his whole life because he lacks the ability to really love a person. When someone loves another person they would feel horrible if they hurt that person and would do everything they could to make things right and do what it takes to try to make you happy.

If you want to fix people then get a degree and become a counselor but do not date or marry a project or you will be doing all the work in the relationship and none of your needs will be filled. You would be very unhappy as they continue to hurt you.

Get rid of this guy.


How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Sharon Crandall


Over 30 years of working with individuals, families, and businesses. Teaching classes, private coaching--helping design individual life plans,, private personality assessment, group workshops, and training others to become Personality Consultants and Life Coaches.

Certified in two year program of Personality Science. Certified in secondary Personality Science program from a different institution. Trained in various workshops for Life Coaching, Self-educated from numerous books and programs, plus private training from Personality Science experts.

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Hundreds of people from all walks of life including private individuals, couples, families, and businesses--from homemakers to CEO's Worked with many groups in workshops and classes. Worked with businesses particularly in customer relations/service and sales.

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