How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Relationship
Hi. I have been married for three years. We had a child in Feb this year. I suspect that I am suffering from baby blues but I am not sure. Anyway... It feels to me that my husband and I are living seperate lives. That we are not spontanious like we used to be in the past. Maybe it just feels that way. I am not sure. Any advice on how we can make things interessting again? How to get the spark back. I need an outsiders view and advice simply because I dont take my own advice... I hope you have some ideas..
Yes, sometimes we need input from someone else so will be happy to give some suggestions. While relationships need to change somewhat when children come into the relationship it is important to keep the relationship as a couple strengthened and intact.
It is easy to get side tracked and neglect the relationship. Are you still his girlfriend? It is important to stay his girlfriend and not become just a busy housewife. I learned something very important years ago from a great doctor who delivered children and always gave the women a lecture before they returned home. He told us to not neglect our husbands by getting too busy with baby. He said that if all women were like his wife there would be no divorces. He said that whenever he came home or walked into the room his wife looked at him with full attention with a smile and look on her face that the most important person on earth to her was himself and how happy she was to see him.
Too often when the husband comes home or enters the room, the woman is so busy cooking at the stove, doing housework, talking on the phone, or tending baby and then waits until she is through before she greets her husband or acknowledges his presence, so my first suggestion would be to adopt the above policy of smiling and looking at him when you see him and get off the electronic devices so you can communicate with each other. Talk it over and make a rule that there will be a period of time where devices are turned off so you can really be with each other for an hour each evening--or at least a half hour.
The next thing is to have a date night. Once a week you have a date. if you can't get a babysitter then make a date night at home with tablecloth and candles, and dress up. Ideally, get a babysitter and go out and don't talk about all your problems but try to talk about other things. The key to good communication is to be interested truly in the other person in dreams, ambitions, happenings in his life, etc. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no. As--instead of "Did you have a good day today?" ask--:What was the best thing about your day and what was the worst thing about your day.?" Maybe you could have something humorous that happened or that ou read to add to the conversation.
Now, watch being critical. Instead of expecting him to do things, ask nicely and always show your appreciation. Men cannot read minds and they don't take hints. They dont' get a lot of things. It needs to be spelled out. Men need to be appreciated and admired. Men take pride in taking care of their woman so let him know when he takes good care of you. Tell him so.
Add humor to the mix. Tease sometimes and play little jokes on him and then laugh together.
I hope these few things will help you. Let me know if you have any more questions.