How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Possessiveness


QUESTION: My fiance (she) has a best friend who is a guy. She asked me is it okay if I text him. I told absolutely fine..
I agreed like a gentleman that I need to give you space and I trust you alot and until you don't cross your limits, I am okay with it. But I feel I am possessive now, although I am open-minded. I don't mind she texting him, but I cannot understand what is there to speak to a friend in the middle of night, 1AM, 2AM. The problem is, she chats with me too late nights and him as well.

My fiance trusts me alot and it would be a disaster if ever she comes to know about this. I am confused what to do :(

Please help.

ANSWER: Hello Tom,

I cannot tell you if your fiance is trustworthy or not as I don't know her, but you appear to think she is. Going with that, it doesn't sound like she's stepping over the line. It's her best friend. When she texts him at night, it's not as though she's waking up just to communicate with him. She's already up, as you know, because she's contacting you, also.

I'd love to know how long you two have dated and how long she's been friends with her. The thing is, you can't control his intentions. Maybe it's innocent, but there's also the chance he has ulterior motives.

Look at it this way, Tom. If she was texting her best girlfriend at 1am, would that be an issue for you? Probably not. If you believe she really is just friends with him, then it doesn't matter if he's a male or female.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: We have not been dating. I am in India and our marriage is going to be an arranged marriage. We are getting engaged next month. Her friend who is a guy, is her college friend. Me and my fiance know each other from December 2013 :) That's when I got her number to text her.

I am okay with she texting him. But why is that while chatting with me. I feel less important. I cannot talk to her about this, because I came to know she chats with him by seeing the whatsapp status.

I do not want to make a stupid move and ruin our relationships. I am very confused.

Hello again, Tom,

To be honest, that changes everything for me. I'll tell you why. You haven't dated. You haven't met. And, you've known each other for only a month.

You have to understand that I do not come form a culture of arranged marriages. Although I know what they are, they are hard for me to completely understand because don't experience them first hand. That being said, you need to realize that my advice comes from my culturally biased perspective.

So, I don't know how much you know about your fiance, but to be honest, you can't know very much. You know what your or her family have told you and you also know what she has decided to tell you. In no way am I implying that she's lying to you, but the thing is, you are supposed to marry a woman who you really don't know, who has a best friend who is male that she texts late at night.

I would be concerned, but not so much just because of the texting, but because you are marrying a woman you really don't know. Will you visit her and get to know her before you wed? When is the wedding date?


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