How to Strengthen Your Relationship/boyfriend behaviour
QUESTION: hi my age is 27 and my my bf 26 we have been in relation for 3 months now initially he was the most perfect boyfriend one cud ask for he use to call 10 times a day text all the time caring loving giving me time always but then its been a month since he has changed completely he doesn't call at all he hardly texts mostly i do he does reply when ever i think of talking on phone he says he is busy or tired or he just goes to sleep an text me in the morning i have tried asking him several times what happend suddenly but he says everything is fine and will its just a phase but then sometimes his not caring attitude bugs me allot and i try 2 understand but when it keeps happening everyday it annoys me and then i tell him this is not working out we should break up he doesn't break up with me either.he says give time trust me all will be Okie but i tell him i cant get hurt in the process.last few days he has been very rude i wasn't well and was in hospital he msged me he will call me back but bt he didn't wen i told him y i didn't as i was in hospital he said take care of urself thats not like him.i am honestly confused about what he wants and i want to ask you do u think its worth trying and wait for things to be okie or i should give up.i do admit wen he acts all not caring and indifferent i tell him its not acceptable and get angry on him but i just want to know y its happ should i just stop trying i am really confused n not at peace.Pls help me out.
ANSWER: Dear Alice,
I hope you did not have sex with him because if you did that might be the reason. He got what he wanted and now is bored with the relationship.
If that is not the reason then it could also be that the relationship moved too fast and you were too easy to get. A smart woman would be busy and not able to talk to a guy so often and see him so often. The first part of a relationship should go slowly. No one should take the other for granted but he should have to call you several days ahead in order to see you. You should not always answer right away when he calls or texts, but he should have to work a little in order to talk to you and see you. Men get bored very easily when things are too easy, and they also get scared when things go too fast.
Now, the question is: Do you think he is really a good guy? Do you think he is worthy of someone you would want forever? You need to be in the driver's seat. don't be needy, be choosy. Make sure you have self value and self-respect and that you know you are worthy of a good guy.
If you really think he is a good guy worthy of you then what you need to do is stop contacting him at all. Make him do all the contacting and chasing. Don't try to pin him down as to his feelings; that is another mistake women often make. Be busy and do not go with him at the last minute. Let him know that you feel like the relationship at first way too fast and if he wants to see you and be with you, you must take it slower. Consent to see him once a week and then see if he is polite, caring and respectful of you and your wishes. If he is willing to do that then you know he really cares. Make sure that if you start to see him more, make it gradual and still do not be the one to contact. That should only come after months of dating when you feel there is a real commitment to the relationship, and then do not do it as often as he does.
If you do not think he is really the best kind of guy for you then by all means, let it go. Note: Do not be confused. There is not confusion. People do what they want to do. He is acting this way because he wants to. People let you know who they are by what they do. Not what they say, but what they do. Keep that in mind as you date men.
Hope this helps and you find the guy best for you.
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QUESTION: hey Sharon before i msged u i had stopped contacting him a day before he msged me he will get back to me but i have nt contacted him since then and its been 5 days since he contacted me his bro msged frm his phone telling me had a fight with someone at home and he left home asking me if i knw where he is for some reason i don't buy that but what i wanted to ask you was if he contacts me now should be all normal n act as if i dont care and nothing happened or don't return his calls and texts what msg do i need to give.I don't know what he is trying to do.
It is always wise to do the unexpected. He expects you to be all upset and asking him where he has been and all worried, etc. I would act like nothing has happened. You might say something like: "How's it going? I haven't heard from you for awhile." Then just listen. He will probably tell you his story to get you to feel sorry for him but I would cheerfully say something like, " Sorry you are going through this but I am sure you will figure out what to do." Then drop it and do not spend time with it any more. Then tell him that you have been busy doing this or that and haven't had time to worry about anything else.
If he apologizes to you tell him that the relationship probably needed a rest and that you are not relying on the relationship for your happiness and that you have a life and can live without him if necessary. If he apologizes that will give you an opening to say that you thought the relationship went too fast and if you continue with it, it must be about once a week and go slowly.
If you really think he is worth it then this will probably work, unless he has moved on completely on an emotional level.
In other words you are putting him on notice that you have a life and that if he wants a good woman like you he will have to respect that and build slowly before you can trust the relationship to last. When you respect and value yourself, others will, too. Just look your best, be your best, develop your talents, learn and grow and let the guys know that you are not just any old girl that is waiting around for a guy to make her happy. You are a woman on the move--doing-learning-being-helping others, etc. You are a catch me if you can kind of woman.