How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Confusion


QUESTION: My girlfriend of 8 months and I are on a break. She says she's confused and loses emotions when she's with me. Also she started liking another guy a couple months ago. I made mistakes early in our relationship like raising my voice and ignoring her in arguments, and she told me that affected her deeply. We haven't been in an argument in months, but those past experiences affected Her. I love her so much and I want the last case scenario to lose her. I want to make things right, I want to earn her love back. She still texts me saying I obviously have a chance, she just needs space and is stressed out. What should I do? The scariest part of all this is she likes someone else. Help me please.

ANSWER: Hi Alexander!

Keep in mind exactly what you said; you still have a chance.  Her liking someone else does not mean it is over.  Have you ever shared with her the reasons for your behavior early on?  We may not even want to think about this or why you have responded that way but if we understand why 1) we may lessen such behavior in the future, as well as 2) show her how important she is in including her in this painful / uncomfortable conversation.  This show her you are trying to learn and grow and how important she is in the process.  Maybe you were dealing with unresolved issues from a previous relationship, family stress or issues at work.  Whatever it is, please take time to explore and address it.  Good luck!  Stuart

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I have, I told her I've been in many arguments with my mother and other realtives of my family, and I thought the best way to dealing with them is ignoring the arguments. But now I know that's the worst thing I could have ever done. I have changed. I will never raise my voice, or ignore her again. It's been a hard week though. How can I earn her love back? I've been giving her letters, flowers, chocolate, apologizing. And she admits it makes her feel better, but she's still confused about us, and the guy she likes. I've been in a relationship before for over two years, but I never had the connection I had in that relationship, than I do with this girl. Losing her in my opinion will truly feel like the end of the world. Please help me. Anyway I can earn her back?

Alexander,  exactly what is she saying to you?  Have you asked her, in this moment, what you can do to help?  Let's be crystal clear on what we are hearing, saying and doing.  Obviously, if she is showing positive signs, you have been on the right track.  Is there a mutual friend who can talk with her on your behalf?  Do you have a relationship with her family / friends to let them know how motivated you are here?  Let's explore our resources.  Stuart

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT


how to help relationship. How to address issues within relationship......I am pretty open here


20th year in the field. Managed and directed clinical programs. Now, I work out of my own office as well as supervise counselors

California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists

The California Therapist

B.A. Psychology M.S. Counseling Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Awards and Honors
Hero of the Heart - Covina Valley USD

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I work with individuals, couples, families and children

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