How to Strengthen Your Relationship/I need your guide to get normal

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Question
I'm going through a painful situation these days.
When I was 17,our relationship started. He was 19 then. Everything remained perfect for 18 months. But then I came to know his reality that he was involved in his married cousin and they have fallen for each other. After 8 months from breakup,he came back. I was emotional so I couldn't escape from living with him. I knew he is not sincere with me but leaving him was 100% IMPOSSIBLE for me. And now he treats me according to his mood. Sometimes he become loving and sometimes act as a cruel stranger. He claims that he loves me BUT HE CAN'T TELL OTHERS about his feelings,he hides from everyone that he has fallen for me.
I am totally depressed,sometimes i become extremely desperate for him and sometimes i start hating him for hurting me so much. He does not respect my best friends either. Please tell me what type of intentions he possess? Do he love me or not? My each and every nerve tells me that I'll die without him.
I'm anxiously waiting for your reply.

Answer
HELLO MAIMA,
Your problem is a lack of confidence. A well known show host, Steve Harvey, said it correctly. It is not your job to impress your guy. It is his job to impress you.  

No, he does not love you. He is using you. He feels your desperation and takes advantage of it to get what he wants when he wants it.

This is where you are wrong. It is not impossible to leave him. it is very simple. You just stop seeing him because you value yourself more than letting yourself be used by a man who does not love you.

At what point in your life did you completely give your power as as an indiviaul away and leave yourself helpless and powerless? When did you decide that you were not worth a truly loving man who would give his life for you? A man who would be proud to introduce you to everyone he knows.

I am going to say something that might surprise you. You really do not love him, either. You are addicted to him just like an alcoholic. An alcoholic does not love alcohol just to love alcohol, he or she is addicted to it and feels he/she can't live without it.

True love is based on respect, not how bad you need him. True love between two people brings the best out of each other. It is uplifting. It does not leave you crying and feeling desperate. A drug is something you HAVE to have when you are hooked. That is not love. Feeling so needy means that you need to do everything you can to increase your self-confidence. Confidence is learning to look at life differently. Life is an opportunity to learn and explore and to find out who you are and what you really want in life. Then it is the opportunity to look inside and really go for what you want--according to your higher self.

Start with education. Learn what your talents are and then learn to be the best you can be, according to your inividual talents. There is no one like you in the world. You are unique and have much to offer our world. Do things that are difficult so that you have a sense of accomplishment. Read good self-help books that help you realize what possibilities are out there. Right now your world is so narrow that all your focus is wrapped around this man. Get a good education. Another thing that would be good for you is to do some volunteer work where you can help others in some way. This could change your whole life. It will help you put your own problems in perspective and also give you a sense of value.

Most everyone has different people in their lives before they find the one that is truly good for them. And most of us have more than one broken heart in this process of learning. It takes until about age 25 to really know yourself and what you really want. What you think you want when younger is not what you will want in a couple of years. You will look back and wonder why you liked this guy in the first place because you will know that you deserve much, much more.

You might need a little counseling to help you stay away from this guy but believe me, you will love yourself for leaving him after awhile if you will concentrate on building your own self-confidence and helping others. Finding expression through work that you love and expression through any talents you possess will help you find that confidence you need.

You really can do it. Talk to yourself in a way that helps you be stronger. Concentrate on your strengths, not your neediness then do the hard thing and let him go and you will become stronger and stronger as time goes by and you follow the things I have suggested.

Bless you,

Sharon

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Sharon Crandall

Experience

Over 30 years of working with individuals, families, and businesses. Teaching classes, private coaching--helping design individual life plans,, private personality assessment, group workshops, and training others to become Personality Consultants and Life Coaches.

Education/Credentials
Certified in two year program of Personality Science. Certified in secondary Personality Science program from a different institution. Trained in various workshops for Life Coaching, Self-educated from numerous books and programs, plus private training from Personality Science experts.

Past/Present Clients
Hundreds of people from all walks of life including private individuals, couples, families, and businesses--from homemakers to CEO's Worked with many groups in workshops and classes. Worked with businesses particularly in customer relations/service and sales.

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