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How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Past issues rearing their ugly head


About 2- 2.5 years ago my boyfriend decided he wanted a break with me. Two days later he was with a new girl. I am pretty sure he was lining her up to date before we were even broken up. Most of the time i can remind myself that this was needed. We managed to get things mostly back on track and it has been wonderful since. Obviously, shortly after it happened it was hard for me to be with him and vice versa due to my not trusting him and him not being able to deal with me bringing it up all the time. However, this has subsided for the most part. and i believe it ended up helping our relationship in the long run

The issue is this: i still find myself wondering if i am better than she is, and i find myself worrying about it alot.I hadnt even thought about her until i found out recently that she is becoming friends with a friend of mine. I want to be better than someone who knowingly pursues a taken person. I even find myself wishing bad things of this girl from time to time (if its stuck in my head and im really thinking about it... 70% of the time i dont)

Everyone tells me that because i got my boyfriend back and we are doing well, that i won. That i am the better woman. but i dont believe simply getting the guy she wanted and failed at getting makes me a better person.

My hostility has lessened over the years, but its still there, and i want it to be gone completely.


Dear Courtney,

This is a situation that has clearly affected the way you view yourself.  Only you can determine
what is needed to move past this.  I can say forgive and move on, but those are just words.  I'm guessing y'all were pretty young when this happened and perhaps are still young.  

My thought here is this.  When young men start feeling really attached in a relationship, sometimes they get cold feet about commitment or feel the need to "just make sure she's the one."  I can't speak with certainty, but I'm guessing he had to make sure he was ready for a commitment to you.  The fact that he's back and the two of you are happy together sounds like he's made his choice and you are the one he wants to be with.

I truly don't think this has anything to do with a comparison between two women, as much as it is about a young man resolving his commitment issue.  Some guys just aren't sure they are ready to "give up their dating options."  Clearly, he's made that decision.  Now it's up to you whether you can accept the detour he took to get here.  Seems these days, everyone who has dated has a past.  You can't embrace the future, hanging on to the past.

If he's proven himself trustworthy in the past 2 - 2.5 years, then trust him, and trust that he wants to be with you.

I wish you well.
Kind Regards,
KD Liz  

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Kindred Beisinger penname K D Elizabeth Beisinger


I am able to answer questions regarding dating, courtship, and marriage after divorce. I feel equipped to address questions and comments regarding old baggage and past mistakes. I can also answer questions pertaining to blended families and step-children. I can not answer questions that involve manipulating the partners behavior or outlook.


I am a minister that teaches and counsels G-d's instruction for stable relationships. My husband and I have both been married before. I have worked with battered women and facilitated groups for men with anger issues. As a minister, I have officiated several weddings in the past decade, with only one resulting in divorce.

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