How to Strengthen Your Relationship/3 month relationship and where to go from here
Thank you so much for taking my question(s). 3 months ago, I started dating a pretty great guy. We had fun together, good sex, great conversation...but we also have some differences. We are also not married so I hope you can still help me.
I am older by 7 years (33). We are also somewhat politically and religiously different. This doesn't bother me very much because I've dealt with such differences in the past and found ways to compromise etc. (They never turned out to be as big of a deal as we originally thought they would be).
This guy, though, can't see past them. It's bizarre because he was fine with it until we started talking about exclusivity. I suppose he wanted to date/sleep with me but also date other more compatible women so he wasn't "losing any time". (my words). He recently told me that he was falling for me and that he's had trouble with the break-up but doesn't see any alternative.
I can see lots but that's me. I suppose I am writing to get advice on how to move forward because I do care for him a lot- and, oddly enough, we both suffer from chronic sicknesses (I always thought that would be the biggest likeness). I would like to show him- not forcefully but just show him that there are other options; resources; ways to work together to overcome some of these things. I just don't know where to start. Your input and direction will be greatly valued.
ANSWER: Hi Kathy,
While religious and cultural differences can be a big snag in a relationship, it does not have to. And the key is to calmly discuss those differences and address the concerns openly and honestly. In a relationship there are many compromises. So, what you need to do is get him to sit down and talk about his concerns. Often it is the children that create the conflicts. How will they be raised and educated, what religion? Many don't realize that all of the larger religions have some very similar beliefs. For the most part the old testament is the basis for Judaism and Islam. Even Buddhism has many of the same beliefs. There are areas of commonality that can be used o build a foundation. If he is willing to discus the issues and work with you, those differences can make an even stronger marriage.
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QUESTION: Thank you so much for your response. I want to share it with him but I'm afraid he's too set in his mindset at the moment...
I'm curious, how does that work if I am atheist? It seems to bother him a lot that I do not believe in a universal creator- a big god somewhere but instead am more likely to believe in a scientific beginning to the world. Granted- I have no idea what is true and what isn't- it's just what makes more sense to me. It hurts me to no end that he would let things like that come between what could be a great relationship. I tried my best to always accept him and he beliefs/thoughts. I don't see them as pos or neg. just seasoning. if that makes sense.
Anyway, thank you for your help.
Hi again Kathy,
I would suggest that you do believe in something. There are many philosophies that do not have a man like god, all knowing, all powerful in heaven controlling everything. The Source or the Universe represents an all pervasive energy that we can tap into. That energy fits well with things like the big bang theory and string theory. Imagine a universe where nothing existed. That universe is filled with the strings of sting theory but with no energy. The big bang happens when something disturbs those stings, setting up waves of energetic vibrating strings. It is the energy of each string that determines the physical world we live in. That is pure science, no religion at all. If you believe that then you are one step from seeing a source energy that permeates everything, a vibration that if we are in tune with could help us achieve or desires. Pure science can lead to a belief system, that though not a religion, could explain everything.
I would like to suggest you read on of my favorite authors, Dr Wayne Dyer Here is a link to some of his works. http://astore.amazon.com/wellness03f-20
I have read much of his work.
Have a great day,