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How to Strengthen Your Relationship/reconnecting; differences; strengthening



Thank you so much for taking my question(s). 3 months ago, I started dating a pretty great guy. We had fun together, good sex, great conversation...but we also have some differences.

I am older by 7 years (33). We are also somewhat politically and religiously different. This doesn't bother me very much because I've dealt with such differences in the past and found ways to compromise etc. (They never turned out to be as big of a deal as we originally thought they would be).

This guy, though, can't see past them. It's bizarre because he was fine with it until we started talking about exclusivity. I suppose he wanted to date/sleep with me but also date other more compatible women so he wasn't "losing any time". (my words). He recently told me that he was falling for me and that he's had trouble with the break-up but doesn't see any alternative.

I can see lots but that's me. I suppose I am writing to get advice on how to move forward because I do care for him a lot- and, oddly enough, we both suffer from chronic sicknesses (I always thought that would be the biggest likeness). I would like to show him- not forcefully but just show him that there are other options; resources; ways to work together to overcome some of these things. I just don't know where to start. Your input and direction will be greatly valued.

Thank you,

Hi Kathy. There are several issues here that cannot be fully address in my answer, but here are some pointers:

The true value of relationships (apart from being loved :o) is that they can teach us about ourselves - IF we know what to look for and how to interpret the 'clues'. Whatever is missing in your relationship with this man is also missing in you, even if it doesn't look that way.

We all have 'missing pieces', with acceptance being the #1 missing piece for everyone. Trust, respect, validation, intimacy and support would be others, and it's only by making ourselves whole, by filling in these missing pieces in practical ways in our daily lives, that we can attract a partner with those same qualities. So, with acceptance, for example, it's all about saying NO to what doesn't work for us, not making choices or compromises that don't feel right, expressing our feelings/opinions regardless of whether others might not like it, proactively putting ourselves first in healthy ways, not over-extending ourselves or chasing someone in the hope that they will love us back, and generally doing what's best and healthy for us.

Your illness, whatever it is, would be a direct result of your particular subconscious programming, which determines how much love, money, ease, health, success and fulfillment you have. That would require determining the components of your programming, which I cannot do here. But you can read my blogs on my website and you'll get more info about how our subconscious works and what we can do to re-program ourselves. My first book, Fit for Love, is also fabulous for this, as it's all about making ourselves whole and magnetic in relationships.

One key thing to bear in mind: if you chase your man, it won't work because you're coming from a place of needing or wanting him to choose to be with you. Choice doesn't work that way, and neediness always pushes people away because it sends out a strong message of insecurity (= I need you to love me so that I feel okay about me). It's far more powerful and effective to focus on you: figure out what you want and THEN see if he's it; work on your own self-acceptance in the practical ways I've mentioned; fill in any other missing pieces (qualities you see missing in your relationships); and take care of you, without trying to fix or coach him. It's all about healthy self-responsibility, self-worth and self-acceptance - without which you cannot have a healthy, loving, lasting relationship.

Good luck!

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Olga Sheean


I specialize in addressing the negative subconscious programming that causes dysfunction and disempowerment in relationships. I can answer questions on how to attract your ideal partner, how to break out of negative patterns, and how to create healthy, balanced, enlightened relationships. I can explain why things have unfolded the way they have and what you can do to create what you want. My work is about personal empowerment and there are no questions I cannot address in the context of creating healthy, loving relationships. PLEASE NOTE, HOWEVER, THAT I WILL NOT ANSWER LENGTHY QUESTIONS OF MORE THAN 2-3 SHORT PARAGRAPHS.


I am an author, behavioural kinesiologist, visionary and coach, specializing in personal empowerment, relationships and holistic self-mastery. I teach a powerful system for overcoming dysfunction and resolving life’s challenges, based on an understanding of the power and impact of our subconscious programming. I have been in private practice for 15 years and I specialize in identifying and transforming the negative subconscious programming that runs (and often ruins) our lives, preventing us from having the love, money, success, ease and fullfilment that we want. I have developed ground-breaking techniques and processes for addressing health problems, relationship issues, financial concerns and whatever else may be preventing an individual from being fulfilled and powerful in their life. I use muscle-testing to identify and address each individual's specific issues, and I have developed a system for doing remote testing, which enables me to work with my clients all over the world. My book, Fit for Love - find your self and your perfect mate, is an illustrated workbook that takes readers on a journey of self-discovery, healing and empowerment.

As a professional writer and editor with 25 years’ experience, I have written some 200 articles on relationships, the environment, alternative health, healing, personal growth, nutrition and popular psychology, and have been a regular feature writer and columnist for several North American magazines (such as Divorce magazine, Common Ground, Health Naturally, BC Woman, Health n Vitality and Real Woman). I was the editor of Vancouver-based Shared Vision magazine for six years and wrote a regular relationship column through 2006, in addition to contributing numerous features from 1996 to 2006. In the late 90s, I established Berkana Books, a self-publishing company that produced non-fiction, self-help titles. I have also worked as a writer, photo-journalist and editor for WWF International in Switzerland and as an editor for the United Nations in Geneva.

My academic qualifications include an Honours degree in languages and literature. My training in alternative health includes certification in Touch for Health I, II & III, One Brain and other branches of applied kinesiology addressing right/left-brain integration; Body Alignment Technique (a form of vibrational medicine used to determine and release the root causes of physical and emotional dysfunction); Appropriate Response Training (conflict resolution); intuitive healing; and Reiki, among others.

Past/Present Clients
I have clients all over the world, ranging from single mothers, entrepreneurs, financial experts and CEOs, to actors, talent agents, artists and directors. My youngest client was 7 years old and my oldest was 92. I also work extensively with Forex traders, teaching them how to resolve their negative programming so that they can trade successfully on the Forex market.

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