How to Strengthen Your Relationship/is there any hope


Hello Olga

I've met my girlfriend 3 months ago and everything seem to go very well we had a few misunderstandings I mention to her that if this continues that it was a way to disrespect each other and eventually it would become a habit.
Sure enough i said things to her or have made comments for instance the other day she got in my car and we were going to go to the lake as soon as she got in she started texting her aunt and was quiet towards me.
I asked her if she was going to spend time with me or spend time with her phone, she replied saying that i was being rude and that i could have said it in a nice way...she went on saying that she wasn't going to put up with my attitude that she had done nothing wrong. She also told me that i'm finally showing her my true colors and that i need an attitude adjustment.
Lately she's been getting mad at me for any thing.

I feel like things get heated up very quickly and just about anything she wants to see me everyday and i had agreed to that and now i don't know if that's a good idea or if i'm getting on her nerves or vise versa. I had suggested we see each other less and she said to me that it will only push her away.

What should i do is there any hope or she's taking me for granted sometimes i feel like she thinks she can do whatever with me and if i open my mouth or defend myself she always has a good excuse and tells me she has done nothing wrong that i am the problem.

Last night she told me if i have ever been evaluated for mental issues i don't even defend myself because she would even have a good excuse for saying that.

Is there hope or how can i approach her or this is just going to end either way.

Please help me I feel helpless and frustrated.

Thank you for your time.

Hi John. To be honest, it doesn't sound as if there's much love between you, and it's hard to build that if you don't have mutual respect.

It also sounds as if you both have some unresolved issues that have nothing to do with this relationship. If you find that you or your partner are doing a lot of blaming/judging, it's usually because there is old unresolved stuff to do with your upbringing.

I work a lot with what I call 'missing pieces' - important qualities such as respect, support and healthy self-acceptance that we failed to learn when we were growing up. When this happens, we always attract partners with these same missing pieces, So if we grew up never really learning healthy self-respect, we will attract partners who also lack respect (for self and for you) and who are unable to make healthy boundaries or decisions, which makes it very difficult to build a healthy relationship.

What I'd suggest is that you take a step back and ask yourself what qualities you want to have in a relationship. What matters to you most? You may come up with a list of things, such as respect, validation, support, consideration, healthy boundaries, love, honest communication etc. But in order to have these in your relationships, you must first have them in yourself. Your partner always provides the clues as to what's missing in you, which is great news because you can fix this. If, for example, your partner is disrespectful, then you know that healthy self-respect is something you never really learned when you were growing up. It may look as if she's the one with the problem (and she is) but I guarantee that you also have this same missing piece, which makes it very hard for you to know how to make healthy boundaries, when to say no, when to stand up for yourself, and how to distinguish between need and love, and between her stuff and yours.

By giving in to all her demands, you are not respecting yourself - what works for you, what feels right etc - and we only ever do this if we don't feel worthy or lovable. Deep down, we feel we need to earn the other person's love, so we do everything we can to get them to love us. However, this never works and we end up getting the very thing we were afraid of all along - rejection, criticism, disrespect and maybe even abuse.

It's vitally important for you to build a strong sense of self and and to know how to make healthy boundaries before you can be in a truly loving, respectful, healthy relationship, otherwise you'll end up with a lot of anger, blame and resentment.

I encourage you to read some of the blogs/articles on my site as they contain more information about creating healthy relationships and understanding why things go wrong. You might also like to get my book - Fit for Love: find your self and your perfect mate - which will guide you through the process of filling in some of your 'missing pieces' and making yourself more whole, confident and self-respecting.

Good luck!

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Olga Sheean


I specialize in addressing the negative subconscious programming that causes dysfunction and disempowerment in relationships. I can answer questions on how to attract your ideal partner, how to break out of negative patterns, and how to create healthy, balanced, enlightened relationships. I can explain why things have unfolded the way they have and what you can do to create what you want. My work is about personal empowerment and there are no questions I cannot address in the context of creating healthy, loving relationships. PLEASE NOTE, HOWEVER, THAT I WILL NOT ANSWER LENGTHY QUESTIONS OF MORE THAN 2-3 SHORT PARAGRAPHS.


I am an author, behavioural kinesiologist, visionary and coach, specializing in personal empowerment, relationships and holistic self-mastery. I teach a powerful system for overcoming dysfunction and resolving life’s challenges, based on an understanding of the power and impact of our subconscious programming. I have been in private practice for 15 years and I specialize in identifying and transforming the negative subconscious programming that runs (and often ruins) our lives, preventing us from having the love, money, success, ease and fullfilment that we want. I have developed ground-breaking techniques and processes for addressing health problems, relationship issues, financial concerns and whatever else may be preventing an individual from being fulfilled and powerful in their life. I use muscle-testing to identify and address each individual's specific issues, and I have developed a system for doing remote testing, which enables me to work with my clients all over the world. My book, Fit for Love - find your self and your perfect mate, is an illustrated workbook that takes readers on a journey of self-discovery, healing and empowerment.

As a professional writer and editor with 25 years’ experience, I have written some 200 articles on relationships, the environment, alternative health, healing, personal growth, nutrition and popular psychology, and have been a regular feature writer and columnist for several North American magazines (such as Divorce magazine, Common Ground, Health Naturally, BC Woman, Health n Vitality and Real Woman). I was the editor of Vancouver-based Shared Vision magazine for six years and wrote a regular relationship column through 2006, in addition to contributing numerous features from 1996 to 2006. In the late 90s, I established Berkana Books, a self-publishing company that produced non-fiction, self-help titles. I have also worked as a writer, photo-journalist and editor for WWF International in Switzerland and as an editor for the United Nations in Geneva.

My academic qualifications include an Honours degree in languages and literature. My training in alternative health includes certification in Touch for Health I, II & III, One Brain and other branches of applied kinesiology addressing right/left-brain integration; Body Alignment Technique (a form of vibrational medicine used to determine and release the root causes of physical and emotional dysfunction); Appropriate Response Training (conflict resolution); intuitive healing; and Reiki, among others.

Past/Present Clients
I have clients all over the world, ranging from single mothers, entrepreneurs, financial experts and CEOs, to actors, talent agents, artists and directors. My youngest client was 7 years old and my oldest was 92. I also work extensively with Forex traders, teaching them how to resolve their negative programming so that they can trade successfully on the Forex market.

©2016 All rights reserved.