How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Why cant we trust each other?

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Question
Hello,

I am 18 and in college and I am dating a 21 year old car salesman. We have been dating for a month and met on an app several weeks back. He was perfect in the beginning. We usually conversed on the phone and skyped a few times. He took the time to see me or text me whenever he could. In the first few weeks, we were seeing each other every few days.

But almost two weeks ago, he found a text in my phone from a previous online relationship and broke up with me. We got back together after talking about it and were both happy. However, now he is not talking to me or wanting to see me as much. He is always busy with his job and falls asleep whenever I call him (and its not that late either). A few days ago, I wanted to hang out with him and he claimed he was with his parents. Then I responded with "I dont believe you" and he said he would take a picture. He never did and said he was busy and made up this elaborate lie on how he was hanging with his friends and dropped off his parents. He claims he was high when he said all that but I think he was seeing someone else. Two nights ago he thought I was seeing someone else and I told him I was not and said the same thing to him.

What really bugs me is that he is a car salesman and my friends tell me that they know how to lie. I've been distancing myself from him lately because he does not talk to me as much. He thought I asked weird questions yesterday which were, "What are your fetishes" and "Did you have sex with all your girlfriends?".  I have not hung out with him in a week and he sometimes has to stay after work because a customer is coming or he works late. He's also really handsome and has a lot of followers on Instagram. There are so many girls on his profile, it makes me feel like he is going to cheat on me with them.

So my question is, after doing all this writing, I feel like the main root of our problems is that we cannot trust each other. I have been trying so hard to repair our relationship by calling him and asking to hang out, but he doesn't answer and is always busy. I really care about him and want him in my life. But I feel like he does not want the same.

Answer
Dear Kim.

Sorry so slow in answering. I have been having challenges with my email.  I will be happy to answer your questions.

One of the main mistakes that women make is that as soon as someone starts dating them they act like they are engaged to be married--calling, texting, making arrangements to get together and completely taking over the male role.

In order for a relationship to work you must let the man be the man. The man is the hunter and when he cannot get you so easily he values you more and respect you more.  You should never be contacting him and trying to get together and then to tell him that you didn't believe him when he said he was with his parents was acting like a jealous finance.

Also, when he accused you of cheating on you, you should have told him that you just started dating and are not in a committed relationship and so both of you are free to see other people.

Ordinarily, I would say that you should back off and let him chase you. But since he was asking you questions about your fetishes, etc. He doesn't sound like a good possibility for a mate. I would be very suspicious of that. Also, with all the girls around him he sounds like he certainly is not ready for a committed relationship. You both are very young for that, anyway.

Now, here is how relationships should be. The guy asks you out. He must ask you out ahead of time, not just the day of,  and have something specific in mind--some place to go together.  None of this "hanging out". He must date you. If he asks you out at the last minute tell him you are sorry but you have other plans and that he needs to call you a couple of days ahead. He is the one who pays for the dates. It doesn't have to be expensive--take you out for ice cream, a movie maybe, a walk in the park, or maybe hiking. Getting together as a group to play and listen to music or have pizza together--things like that.  

Of course you would not start kissing, etc. right away. This is important to see if the guy wants to date you for you and not just your body. You have to know about the nature of men. They are after sex but will date someone without it IF he is sincere about dating you because he is interested in you. Women must hold back if they truly want a good companion. Otherwise, you are inviting the guy just to use you. Men will say anything to get sex, including how much they care about you. You must be aware and smart.

I highly recommend the Book by Steve Harvey--Act like a Lady, Think like a man or Think like a man and act like a lady. Can't remember which way it goes but it is excellent!! He teaches women how to respect themselves and the nature of men.This will give you power and will help you be very smart and not waste your time with a whole bunch of wrong kind of guys.

I wish you the very best. I am pleased that you sent a question to me. It shows you are willing to learn and set your life up in a better way.
Sharon  

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Sharon Crandall

Experience

Over 30 years of working with individuals, families, and businesses. Teaching classes, private coaching--helping design individual life plans,, private personality assessment, group workshops, and training others to become Personality Consultants and Life Coaches.

Education/Credentials
Certified in two year program of Personality Science. Certified in secondary Personality Science program from a different institution. Trained in various workshops for Life Coaching, Self-educated from numerous books and programs, plus private training from Personality Science experts.

Past/Present Clients
Hundreds of people from all walks of life including private individuals, couples, families, and businesses--from homemakers to CEO's Worked with many groups in workshops and classes. Worked with businesses particularly in customer relations/service and sales.

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