How to Strengthen Your Relationship/What do i do, i feel so torn


so my girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months now and everything felt like it was going great. Until another guy, who says he's in love with her started trying to tear us apart. we started having little fights and at every little fight he was attempting to break what we have apart. she started to have feelings for him, so we decided to take a break where we could see other people and explore our options. the first couple days of the break were okay, we tried not to have contact with each other, but the less that we talked, the more I knew the other guy, lets call him Dean, was trying to get with her. a week goes by and she's still trying to decide who she wants to be with, but told me she has been almost ready to make a decision for both ways. a couple of days ago I went to her place to talk and things got escalated and I ended up spending the night. I then found out that the night after she also had sex with him. she told me that this was because she felt forced, and pressured to have sex with Dean and how sorry she felt about it. Now normally I would have walked away then and there but she keeps telling me how much she regrets that night with Dean, but also that she regrets the night with me. since then we revised our break rules and made sex off the table. She keeps stringing both of us along but I can tell that this decision is destroying her as well. Despite this happening, the break has really given me some time to reevaluate what i want in a relationship, but i still feel completely in love with her . I find myself thinking that I am willing to forgive and forget because going into the break I always kinda knew that this was going to happen. she keeps telling both of us that she loves us, but that she still cant make a decision, what do I do?

Hey Curtis,

I don't think you'll like what I have to say. I know you love her so very much and she is telling you she regrets what she's done, but from where I'm standing, she's not ready to commit to you yet. She may very well decide to settle down with you. It sounds as though she WANTS to commit to you, but she's just not ready.

You two had only been together for six months. In the big scheme of things, that's still the beginning stages of a relationship. Usually the first 6 to 18 months is the honeymoon stage. That's when passion and excitement reign. So, if she's already having second thoughts this early, she may need to sow her oats before she's comfortable being with one person.

She's undecided. She's had sex with him. She's stringing you both along. She says she loves you both. It will be very hard, but I would suggest taking a step away from this mess, although it will hurt, and let her figure this out on her own. You can't blame Dean for "stealing her away." If she was committed to you, it would have been impossible for him to steal her.

I'd tell her to figure this out. Let her know you love her, but you're not willing to be strung along. If she decides on you, she should let you know. If not, then you'll have to move on.  

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