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How to Strengthen Your Relationship/How to make her move to next level?


Dear Expert,
This is rather a strange way to seek help. Let me brief whats happening at my end.

Last year, my friend passed away due to a tragic accident on 1st of May. He was a dear friend to me. After three months of his death, i contacted the girl he liked the most just for passing my condolences. When he passed away, she was with him. Many of the people thought, she was reason of his death. If she could not have taken him that day, he was okay. Anyhow, i found her facebook id and contacted her. She was soft to reply knowing i am very close to the guy. Initially her replies were crisp, because she did not trust me enough, but when first time we spoke on call, it lasted for three hours. She was very comfortable with me. It was an instant liking from my side.

Though she did not give any signals like that. Slowly gradually, i started texting her, she started replying. We used to speak once or twice in a month and that too for 3-4 hours almost. Slowly our trust started happening. I went to India to meet her just once.Over period of time i genuinely feel for her. That time she was seeing a friend of mine. I kind of told her in sametime on 7th December i like you. She said, Ben i like you too but not with that intensity. May be she was avoiding this thing, because the guy who died i was very very close friend of her and she was finding stuff awkward. Then she fought of with my friend and we slowly and gradually talked but still, i used to flirt with her, she used to laugh and we had light hearted talks. Whenever she used to be in trouble, she would talk to me, that this kind of stuff is bothering me. Anyhow, our relationship progressed.

One of her friends recently added me. This girl told her friend, there are guys who like me but i dont and i was on third ranking, but she used to speak very high about me. He is very caring, loving. Understand me, he is mature. This guy tolerates my most bad mood swings. Accepts me i am unemotional. Still he never makes an opinion about me but i still i don't know my heart stops me to say him Yes. Last month, i stopped being approachable to her. She texted me three times, where are you lost? Are you okay and all, if you can see the text you can't reply. Whats wrong with you.

Later we talked and our realtionship got Okay. I am tired of this friend-zone. I don't even know what she wants. Suggest me what would be the right next move?


Hello Ben,

Long distant relationships are very difficult and really almost impossible.  Communication is 80% body language and emotions shown through eye contact, and also just the spirit of the person comes through.  Skyping helps a little as you can at least see reactions and body language to some extent.

So, this makes it very difficult to establish a relationship when you cannot read the other person very well and have to rely on written words only.

The only thing I can think of to do is to tell her that you like her more than a friend and would like to know if she feels that way at all.  Or, you can keep being her friend, hoping that she will get to feel closer to you and appreciate you more as time goes on.

I can see where that would be difficult for you. I suggest that you put a time limit in your mind (not tell her) on how long you will stay friends with her without it developing into more than friendship.  I would not be real quick in answering her texts all the time. Sometimes wait a few hours or a day or so before you answer her texts. Also, talk about positive things you are doing in your life. Women like men who are working on their future and are trying to make their lives better.  Also, make sure you are interested in her and what she is doing with her life and remember the things she likes and the things she doesn't like. That is very attractive to a woman. It shows that you are interested in her and paying attention to who she is.

People who are progressing in life and doing things of value with their lives are always more attractive. Develop your talents and education, etc.

So, let's say that you give it three months in your mind and you keep fairly close contact with her, with periods of times for a few days that you do not contact her so that it is not overwhelming to her and lets her know that you also have a life outside her.  Then in three months you ask her if she is ready to be more than friends. If she says no, then I would back off. I would not stop contacting her completely but just be busy and not able to talk to her much. Give her a chance to miss you but not think that you have quit her entirely. Just be a casual friend and treat her as such.  Then, she might miss you enough to want to be more than friends.  If not, then you know that it just won't work for you.

Unfortunately, this happens a lot where one person wants a relationship but not the other. This means that you just have to keep looking and meeting others until you find the one where you both "click" together. We can't force love. It has to flow freely.  We can be smart and not overwhelming to the other person and be wise in how we handle things to make it more favorable, but can't force it to happen.

I do hope this helps and that she will see your value and want more than just a friendship.  I wish you well.

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Sharon Crandall


Certified Personality Manager. Trained in Personality Science, which is reading over 60 genetic traits from physical features. From any years of experience, Sharon can recognize traits, not only from looking at physical features, but from description of behavior. She has helped people in choosing a mate, marriage, parenting, self development, and it businesses. Over 30 years of teaching classes, business and personal workshops, and conducting private Personality Management sessions--helping design individual's lives. She also trains people to become Personality Consultants and Personality Managers.

Certified in two year program of Personality Science. Certified in secondary Personality Science program from a different institution. Trained in various workshops for Life Coaching, Self-educated from numerous books and programs, plus private training from Personality Science experts. After assessing 100's of Personality Profile--I know people!

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Hundreds of people from all walks of life including private individuals, couples, families, and businesses--from homemakers to CEO's Worked with many groups in workshops and classes. Worked with businesses particularly in customer relations/service and sales.

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