How to Strengthen Your Relationship/long story


basically, I got out of a 7 year relationship last year around october. I am 25 years old. I discovered that he had been cheating on me nearly the whole time. I am over my love for him, but the injustice of it all infuriates me. He seems perfectly happy with the girl he left me for, seems extremely happy, all of "our" friends have become "his" friends; while I am forced to deal with all of this. I no longer love him, and I am not upset that I don't have him anymore, I am just mad about the whole injustice of it, and only to see everyone (who knows why we ended things) embracing this girl, when I thought we were all friends.

I find myself creeping on her page, seeing photos of them, because I have convinced myself that I should be desensitizing myself to this. I just want the anger and hurt to stop. I don't know what route I should take to hasten the process. Please help direct me on how to get over my anger.

Hi Courtney,

I am sorry to hear that your ex had been cheating on you all the while you thought he was committed to his relationship with you. It's hard to get over someone after seven years, especially since the relationship started when you were just a teenager, but you have already decided that you are over him and that you no longer love him.

You are saying the right things to yourself, that you no longer love him, that you are over it, but it seems like the words have not yet reached your heart. I'm not so sure that you are creeping on her page to desensitize yourself so much as because maybe you're still not over this hurt. That's where the anger stems from, from pain.

This guy was a jerk and he hurt you. then he took away your social circle, and you think your friends should be backing you, not him and his new girlfriend. So, on top of the pain, you feel slighted by the people you thought were your friends.

You have every right to feel upset. He's put you in a very uncomfortable situation, coming from a place where you were fairly comfortable. So, now what? Looking at pics of them is not going to make you get through this. It's going to fuel your fires. I'm sure you've felt this. Haven't you become angrier when you see them together in the pictures? Don't you yell names at the two of them when you see their photos (or at least think names at them)?

By revisiting the pain, you can't get through it. I know it's hard, but you need to realize that this all happened for a reason, and in the end you will be better for it. You have had a seven year relationship, so you've learned what you want and don't want in the next relationship. You have also gotten out of a relationship with a jerk, someone who betrayed your trust and cheated on you. If he didn't hurt you now, he would have hurt you worse later. And, these so-called friends who have abandoned you made their choice. I know that hurts, but these people obviously weren't really your friends.

So, what does that mean and how do you move forward? First, stop dwelling on this new couple. It's been a year. You need to force yourself to avoid searching them online. Let them self-destruct and you start rebuilding you. Next, start to rebuild your circle of friends. Seek out opportunities to hang out with people from school or work or your church. Join a gym. Just get yourself out there and get busy. Once you stop focusing on meeting people, but you just starting doing, people show up in your life. And, once you have people to spend time with, you don't need to worry about what he's doing. That's also how you find someone that might one day be the next guy you date.

Finally, I would suggest you focus on you for awhile. A great project that I am loving is the Infinite Possibilities Project, a quick 3-minute video each day that helps you focus on your goals for thirty days. The guy releases a video each day in the month of January, but you can start now and just be three weeks behind. Here's the link (

I hope this helps you. You have started on the right foot, realizing that you don't love this guy. Now, you have to remember that you love you, and you deserve everything in life that he couldn't give you.

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