How to Strengthen Your Relationship/How to improve the relationship

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Question
Hi

I wanted to ask you,I returned to College as a mature student of 35. And it's my 2nd year in the College, at the beginning of this year. I think because it was all new and different in that,had new subjects and meeting new people in my class. My confidence was very high in being excited delighted to be back to the College. Three friends from last year also came back to do a second year. As the year went on one by one of my friends from last year left the course. Have now got to know others but it's not really the same. I think when they left my sense of security left also. Put particularly with one friend of the three we got on really well. She brought out of me who I am, felt comfortable having her around. Felt confident to express myself, this confidence  had be more comfortable to speak out in class. To speak to others in class because I felt good within. A guy I like in the class at that time, when I was in a good positive confident mind. Really liking be back to, I had no issue with making an effort to make conversation with him. As the year went on class {assignments} subjects kinda put a dampner on, the enjoying being back feeling. And family matters kinda sucked the energy out me, also.So keeping up my feeling good confidence dropped. The guy I like and I think likes me notices I think, me not being so chatty.And in turn hesitates to talk to me, for me to be talking with him like I was at the beginning, it's not happening a lot. With my positive confidence enjoying college is gone, would like to have it back. The confidence state, because it helped me so much to be around the guy I really like, to get back feeling of ease talking with him. He's chatting to every other girl but and its because I'm not very open confident as I once was, it makes him uncomfortable to talk to me.  Thanks for your help ! What can I do, to help me be confident in general?

Answer
Hi Julie-Ann

I think the first thing to do is to take a step back and let's focus on all the good about you.  Let's face it.  What a challenge to go back to school in the first place and yet there you are doing it.  Good for you.  Many never go back at all so this is not a small feat on your part.  Clearly, there are other valuable things about yourself you may also not be thinking about.  I would encourage you to write a list of all these neat things about you.  Ask loved-ones if need be to help grow that list and please reflect on these things daily.  We can also look at what may be getting the in the way of your self-esteem and perhaps attempt to challenge and address some of what be there.  By seeing and feeling more of the positive about ourselves, it can help my overall outlook and daily interactions with others.  Stuart

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT

Expertise

how to help relationship. How to address issues within relationship......I am pretty open here

Experience

20th year in the field. Managed and directed clinical programs. Now, I work out of my own office as well as supervise counselors

Organizations
California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists

Publications
The California Therapist

Education/Credentials
B.A. Psychology M.S. Counseling Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Awards and Honors
Hero of the Heart - Covina Valley USD

Past/Present Clients
I work with individuals, couples, families and children

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