Past/Present clients Hundreds of people from all walks of life. Experience: 25 years in the field of Personistics (innate personality characteristics)that includes: private personality profiling, Life Guidance Coaching, Business consulting, teaching numerous classes & seminars, lectures, and participating in radio talk shows.
Question Hi,
I am having a problem that I have been trying to find some help for but it is starting to feel like I may the only person alive experiencing it. I am dating a divorced man who has no children, and his ex is not in the picture. Regardless, I am having serious issues with jealousy about his past marriage. He was not the one who ended it, which is part of the problem for me, but also, we have such a great relationship and are truly in love and I sometimes find myself becoming resentful towards him for the fact that he had been so in love with someone before me that he married them. I know this is selfish, but I need help in figuring out how to get control over my jealousy or figure out what exactly my problem is because I am risking ruining the best relationship that has ever happened in my life. I would also appreciate any advice as to what type of therapist/counselor may be helpful for me to see or any forums or webistes that might be helpful - I can't seem to find a category that fits my issue. Thank you
Answer Dear Susan,
One of the most difficult things to do in life is to live and enjoy the now. There are no guarantees and that is what you want and so you dream up problems that might be or that might happen.
You want life on your terms not according to reality. You want to control your life so that you won't ever be hurt. That is not possible, which is the second thing that you must accept in order to be happy. Accept what you can have and what you cannot have.
You can't have a life without risk and without hurt so why let what might be or could be, ruin what you have? We either accept life on its terms or stay miserable by trying to change things that cannot be changed.
You can spend months, or even years in counseling, but when it comes right down to it, you choose happiness or to be miserable and do what it takes to be happy.
After all, it is just making a decision to not be jealous any more and to enjoy the relationship you have. Then whenever you get doubts or negative thoughts talk back to your brain and tell it that you have already decided to enjoy what you have and not worry about what could happen.
You have the power to take charge over your actions and how to handle feelings that come. I could put you in my coaching program but it still comes down to making a decision to kick out those negative feelings and choose happiness.
I hope this helps.
Sharon Crandall
Life is 4 Living Coach/Consultant
www.myspace.com/personalityconsultant
