Past/Present clients Hundreds of people from all walks of life. Experience: 25 years in the field of Personistics (innate personality characteristics)that includes: private personality profiling, Life Guidance Coaching, Business consulting, teaching numerous classes & seminars, lectures, and participating in radio talk shows.
Question I am 23 years old andhave been dating my boyfriend for two years now, we have lived together for 17 months as well. For the past few months I have felt stifled by a relationship. I am young and I feel jealous of my single friends and family members because they have the freedom to do whatever they want. I feel like I miss going out with the girls and meeting new people, I miss coming and going as I please and not having to answer to anyone, but myself. One of the things that I planned on doing with the degree program I am currently enrolled in was a work experience period. While I know it is not imperative to do this to get a job, I thought it would be helpful. My boyfriend and I get in fights about this all of the time. He thinks he knows what is best for me and that because whatever I do affects him, I should take his opinion into everything. When I pointed out to him that I did not think his advise was the best advice because he is in no way related to the industry I will be going in to and that I am an independant woman who wants to make her own decisions, he said that that was my women's studies BS and we just fought and fought. I feel this was pretty disrespectful. Also he said that I can't have my dog come and live with us when I graduate and can afford to take care of her better, because he doesn't like Bella. I feel like he wants to make all of the decisions and not include my desires and needs into account. I feel sometimes like I have no voice. Also he feels like we should have sex everday and I only want to have sex a couple of times a week. The lack of agreement causes so much stress for me that I feel unattracted to him. I don't even want to sleep with him sometimes. When I went away to work this summer for a month, I missed him terribly and I know I love him, but I don't know how to make this relationship work. Whenever I tell him my feelings he shuts me down and I feel like he thinks my feelings are dumb. I worry about breaking up with him and having our social circles crossed, but I am becoming really unhappy. I don't know what to do.
Answer Dear Michelle,
Love is not enough to make a lasting relationship. Yes, I feel it best you break up with this man. First of all, you are obviously not ready to settle down because of those feelings of what you want to do and be. You want to fly and he wants to keep you tied down.
I certainly would look for a man who is proud of you and wants you to keep progressing in your life. I can tell you have the traits that you will always be interested in learning and growing and your boyfriend is living in fear that you will leave him if you grow and develop yourself.
You need someone who will not be threatened every time you want to take a class, in fact there really are guys out there who also might like to join you in some of your interests. This man does not.
Now, he is probably a nice enough person but will want someone more contented to be a stay at home person who only wants to live on his level and that is what he should have. You would be doing him a disservice by continuing your relationship with him because he will also not have what he really wants. He wants you, but only if you fit into what he wants in a woman and this will not work for you, or him either, believe me.
So goodness, girl, go fly for awhile and really seek and grow. And for goodness sakes, get someone who likes dogs!!
I think you would like my book, Compatible? or Combatable? You can email me at personalityconsultant1@yahoo.com if you are interested or want more information.
