Expert: Leon Scott Baxter: - 10/22/2006

Question
Hi, my name is Jessica and I am 18 years old in college. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now. At times the relationship is wonderful. He gives me all the attention I can ask for. Other times it seems as though he would just rather me not there. I know he loves me because even his mother tells me that he says to her I am the one and he couldn't picture his life with out me. I have a feeling that sometimes we are on outs because of me but then I dont know what I do wrong. Can you please give me some ways to keep him interested and keep the relationship fresh. I miss the puppy love. I dont want it to go away. P.S. we have never had sex so I just want to single out any sexual things... Thank you so much!

Answer
Hello Jessica,

Puppy love is awesome, isn't it? It occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It's warm and its secure and often passionate and exciting. I refer to it as the "honeymoon stage". It usuually lasts anywhere from six to eighteen months. So, you're right at the spot when it could begin fading.

When we first fall for someone, we're usually very attentive and put on our best faces. It's not intentional. It's just natural. We want the other person to like us as much as we like them. We love spending time together. We leave notes or buy surprises gifts for our partner. We love listening to their stories and sharing our own.

But, as we become more comfortable with each other and feel like the relationship is something that might last, the novelty starts to wear off, and we become a bit more complacent and comfortable in the relationship. Although the excitement and passion may decrease, this is usually where true love starts to really build. For, if after the honeymoon stage the relationship still lasts, then suddenly you're working toward a long-term relationship filled with stability, trust, and comfort.

The good news, Jessica, is that if you are going in that direction, you can still bring back the "puppy love" feelings you were talking about, too. But, unlike the beginning of a relationship, it's not as easy. It takes more work, but it really is worth it. Because you'll end up not only with a long-term relationship, but also one with excitement.

So, what you need to do, first is talk to your boyfriend, not in an accusing way, and tell him that you're so happy that your relationship is moving in this direction, but that you miss the feelings you shared at the beginning. Let him know that you're probably both guilty of this. Then tell him that you can bring some of it back, by getting out of your rut.

When you first date everything is new. After eight months, things can get predicatble. So, change things. Go to a mall with just ten dollars apiece. Give yourselve thirty minutes to get the most creative and romantic gifts you can. Meet back and give your gifts. You'll probably laugh and have somethng new to talk about.

Surprise him one night with a fancy dinner you made or had ordered for him. Prepare his place with nice dinnerware, music, and candles. He'll come home to an incredible surprise. Take a weekend and just head to an amusement park. Or, sign yourselves up for a weekly class (soccer, cooking, dancing, gardening, whatever you two will both like). It'll give you something new to focus on in your relationship.

Keeping love fresh and romance alive is an ongoing struggle in reltionships. You constantly need to make changes. But, it's so worth it. You'll find yourselves holding hands more, missing each other, and calling on the phone just to hear their voice. If you go to my website, I offer a daily romance tip (www.CouplesCommittedToLove.com). Each day it changes, and it's there for reasons just like this. It can be hard to think of something new. But as long as you do, you'll be glad you did.

Good luck.

Leon Scott Baxter
"America's Romance Guru"
www.CouplesCommittedToLove.com