Past/Present clients Hundreds of people from all walks of life. Experience: 25 years in the field of Personistics (innate personality characteristics)that includes: private personality profiling, Life Guidance Coaching, Business consulting, teaching numerous classes & seminars, lectures, and participating in radio talk shows.
Question Hello, my name is Nick, I'm 25 and the woman I'd prefer to be with is Cali, she is 24. Cali and I have had a great relationship the past two and a half years but have been separated for the last month. From the time we met we have been inseparable, until the past month. We spent almost every day together,except for a week here and there, maybe three times. The problem is we started to get bored with each other and things weren't quite as exciting as they used to be. We just returned from vacation about two weeks before she decided to separate. We both needed to buckle down and save money. We both have debt that we need to pay off (credit cards and such). So, we weren't doing as much and got nit-picky and bored sitting around my place all the time. I know we saw too much of each other and so does she. We had really great times and the most fun just talking to each other. We were each others best friends. We were very passionate together even at the very end. The day in day out thing got to be too much though and we really would bicker and complain about little things. But, it's the way we are together, the laughter that keeps us coming back, it is very difficult for us to be apart from each other, but we know there are things we need to work on in the relationship. The bickering has to go, sex was great, but got routine and could always be better. We've still kept in contact, maybe every three days or so and tonight we decided to go and grab some dinner together at one of our favorite places that only her and i ever go to. Everything was great, we did not talk about the relationship, we just enjoyed each other's company, as always. We made it short,but sweet. We were together about an hour and a half and that was perfect. She drove tonight and when we came home we hugged and i went inside. My question is what should i say or do to try and move this into a romantic relationship again without putting pressure on her? We have a very strong bond together and compliment each other very well, I just don't know how to make the next move....Thanks for your help
Answer Dear Nick,
One of the challenges today of breaking with the morals of yesterday is that it is natural for a sexual relationship to lose it's excitement. In a marriage, there are usually children and mutual goals that a couple is working for, and as their life goes on and progresses, a much deeper kind of love develops that is richer than the first excitement of sex in a new relationships.
The bond of family and mutual goals keeps a couple together until they learn how to give and take, appreciate each other more and generally respect and love each other on a deeper level.
This is kind of sad to me because I see couples who probably would make good marriage partners feel that since they have lost that feeling of being in "love" as they first felt it, then they really are not compatible.
When a couple are good friends that is an important basis for a good marriage and good relationship, especially when you know the sex can be good, too.
It is difficult for me to advise you in this matter as this is what happens many times when you get the cart before the horse.
Sometimes if you withdraw then you become attractive to the other person once again. You might try that.
If this is not the reason then there are underlying differences that has drawn you apart. Without more imformation I could not judge that. But, I can tell you that all marriage relationship go through those times when that first love excitement wears off. Many mistakingly divorce, only to find that the same thing happens with their new love. That is just the way it is.
If your lady is open to reading this then I would suggest that the two of you really look at your relationship in all aspects, not just the excitement part, to see if there might be a life time commitment possible and them move toward that. That really is the next step and when that step isn't taken then these relationships just seem to die out.
I hope this helps. Feel free to respond with more clarification. Also, if you answer and include your email address I can put you on my newsletter list.
