Stress Management/Concerning mind conflicts
I have a very busy day job and have recently taken on a second job for extra money. This leaves very little time for other things.
I feel over the last few months a conflict has developed in my mind:-
- One part of me is constantly grappling for new opportunity, agreeing to many social occasions, planning holidays/trips away, striving for a constantly spotless household, feeling frivolous . I have got into a very strict housework routine where I will be doing chores right up until 1am and feel I cannot possibly go to bed until it is done. If the housework is not done I become stressed.
-The other part of me is exhausted, resentful, tearful and overwhelmed at the to do lists I have created. I will do the housework because I feel I have to but feel angry whilst I am doing it. I volunteer on a weekly basis and have become resentful for having to commit to this - something that fills me wih a great deal of guilt. I feel the need to be selfish, have time for myself.
I feel in general I have become forgetful, vacant (I can sit still unentertained for quite sometime) and overly remorseful for not fulfilling what is expected of me.
I am worried about this conflict in my mind and would greatly appreciate some guidance on what to do....
whilst reading through your question one sentence jumped out at me which I think is at the core of your problem. You said "what is expected of me". This is a classic use of language where the stressor is actually you. It is your thinking which is placing all these pressures on yourself, not the actual things.
It is important NOT to blame yourself for this sort of thinking, in fact this sort of thinking is becoming more and more common in todays busy hectic world where we expect bigger and greater things from each other and ourselves. Howver this form of thinking is dangerous and is of course causing you stress. You first of all you must accept the fact that you are actually causing your stress by the way you are thinking. once you accept that you will be able to start to change this behavior and reduce all the pressures you are placing on yourself.
Changing how we think requires practice just like anything else so don't worry if it take some time to change these automatic thinking patterns, however if you practice the opposite ie positive thinking then in the end this will become your automatic thinking pattern.
It is quite difficult for me here to give you all the tools you need all i can do is give you some basic guidane which i would advice my clients when attending a stress advice clinic.
To help change your thinking into more positive thoughts here are some tips:
Notice the good things that happen to you every day. they may be small things but if you actually take note of them you will begin to notice them more in your life.
When you find yourself thinking negative thoughts tell yourself either out loud or in your head STOP, take a deep slow breath and do something else. this stop process actually helps to stop the thinking pattern.
Lower your own expectations of yourself. No one can do it all, No one so why should you. Give yourself a break, if you can't do the volunteering any more then thats fine. No one expects you to hold down two jobs, keep your home in order and do volunteering, not unless you are super women.
Take the time through out your day to notice things around you, the blue sky, the singing of birds. Do this often everyday. this will automatically slow you down and help you to relax.
When ever you find yourself thinking things like i cant cope etc then challenge these thoughts, why are you thinking this way, is the situation really that bad. would someone else think the same way. often you will find that you are just automatically making the situation worse than it actually is and once you challenge the thought, it simply crumbles.
These are just a few ways to train your thinking in a positive way. there are m,any books that will help you further with this.
now this may all sound too simple, but believe me it isn't that simple and as i say you do have to practice these things. But it really does work, i know I come from a family or negative thinkers and i have seen the stress and the illness that causes. If i hadn't practiced what I preach i too would be in serious trouble too with stress.
Good luck with your endeavors, only you can change your particular circumstances, don't rely on anyone else and above all, give yourself a break, you can't do it all and thats fine.
I have my own stress relief website which has lots of advice about relaxation techniques etc which you may also find of help here