AboutJohn Expertise Almost no one understands how you feel if you are depressed and have thoughts of committing suicide. Even many doctors do not understand. Long term depressions put one at risk for this needless act but there is help available. I can show you how to get that help and help you to understand that what you feel now is only temporary. Parents and doctors encourage people to "snap out of it". Thus demonstrating their failure to understand this feeling.
Experience BA in Psychology. Counselor at a local church. Assistant youth pastor. Teacher of religious ed for 7th thru 12th grades.
Education/Credentials BA in Psychology and counseling
Question I don't know why I'm always so troubled. God has blessed me with so much in my life.. family, a house, a chance for education, and more than I could ask for. Yet, I'm always trapped in this black hole. No matter how much "positive talk" people have tried to force in me, none of it works a majority of the time. Inevitably, the black hole never fails to return.
I know that God has greater plans for me than I have for myself.. but I just can't get that across. I feel as though I'm disappointing God.. and moving farther and farther from him. Thoughts that I will never have a purpose or place in the world constantly cloud my mind. Anyone can replace me at any moment, right?
Apart from dealing with sadness, I can't seem to "allow" myself to be happy. Every time I'm conscious of being high-spirited in the least, I almost automatically fall back to where I was. I can't seem to just let go of depression. As much as I want to get out of this predicament so I could touch others with God's glory the way that He has chosen for me.. I don't know why I can't. I'm always just so focused on this inner world.. this something that keeps me back. At times, it's as though I would just rather let go and cease to exist at that moment. I know it sounds strange for anyone not experiencing this directly. But I don't think I can stand it anymore.. depression weighs me down and I don't want keep living with it. It greatly pains me both spiritually and mentally.. It burdens me so that I am in pain constantly.. but no one knows. I can't talk to anyone about this.. It's hard to hide. But who would care to understand?.. Why does my existence matter anyway?
Answer Mari, if you are not now seeing a doctor then you need to right away. You seem to be suffereing from depression. Leaning on God for help is fine but God does not reward us for being foolish. He has put people near us to help us. You need to have your primary care physician or gyn doctor refer you to see a psychiatrist and get on some medicine for depression. It may take up to six weeks for you and to relieve these symptoms. Its important to get moving now. You are going to be fine and God will show you the plan he has for your life and you will be able to better see through the clouds or fog that now obscrues that plan. Your family members probably do not understand depression as most people do not. Even doctors do not understand it unless they have been through it. You must get help and get started on the path to recover from this black hole as you call it. Keep in touch or ask a followup question if you need to.
