AboutChris Harris Expertise I can help with referral questions regarding suicide prevention and treatment as well as problems finding support, speaking with loved ones about suicide, and accessing needed services. I do not give advice regarding medications or endorse any particular service group or organization.
Experience Out patient therapist, emergency room social worker, and drug and alcohol counselor
Education/Credentials masters degree in social work, State social work license
Expert: Chris Harris Date: 1/26/2008 Subject: nasty suicidal brothers
Question Hello, Chris. I just got a seething, snarling call from my middle aged brother filled with 4-letter words in which he ordered me never to call him in the middle of the night again.
Am I guilty? Yep. My "recovering" alcoholic brother has never called me before midnight in his entire adult life. His last call was the first in 2 years, and he informed me that he had tried to hang himself, and failed. He then emailed me his resume so that I might get to know him, since he maintains I don't know him because we haven't seen each other except at 1 funeral (my mom's) in years.
He hung up before I could even apologize. Although that was the furthest thing from my mind.\
These kind of nutty things have been going on for years. I love my little brother. He has been (probably clinically) depressed for decades at this point. He is gay, which does not make it easier. He lives 1000 miles away, which means I can't drop over for coffee. I am a single parent with a teenage daughter, limited income, my own problems, and he is a single guy who only has to worry about himself. I'm really shaken up by his phone call and I'm imagining all kinds of things at the other end -- he'll use it as an excuse to succeed with the next suicide attempt; he'll call me tomorrow and laugh about it; he'll never call again.
Me, I have to drive my daughter this weekend to a tennis match 300 miles away and worry about her. I fantasize about scheduling these in his city, but that's still months away, and the finances and school schedule have to coincide; at this point, I think if I just stopped by to say hello, he probably would slam the door in my face.
I called him and left a message at 12:30am on his answering machine ordering him to apologize back to me, and leave me the message as I will be leaving for the weekend, and that he had no right to talk to me like that and owed me an apology. I was stern, but I feel like crying.
What's a sister to do?
My ex won't even answer the phone.
Any advice on what a normal healthy reaction is to this bizarre and frightening situation? Thanks in advance for your time.
Answer C,
It sounds like you are hoping for a relationship that will not work out. Your brother does not sound very open or pleasant and you are reaching out to someone who is emotionally withdrawn. You sound like you need support. I am not sure why you fantasize about being close to your brother who you feel is unhealthy. It sounds like you need some support. I would suggest seeking out a therapist to offer you the support you need. Hoping for some kind of epiphany from your brother in which he apologizes and recognizes his flaws and the pain he cause is unlikely. Engaging in back-in-forth phone calls will serve no purpose except to cause you more pain. Seek out a therapist who can help resolve some of these family issues.
I hope this helps,
Chris
