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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Mental Health > Suicide Prevention > suicide
Expert: Chris Harris
Date: 3/9/2008
Subject: suicide
Question
hi, i have been suicidal all my life due to childhood bullying and problems with my family. im now 24 and live with my boyfriend of 4 years, i havent spoke to my dad since i left home but managed to patch things up with my mum. anyway i dont feel comfortable in any situation where i have to talk to anyone im not close to. i have only a few friends who live far away. my emotions are all messed up and im just always very shy and negative and anxious. my shyness and attitude annoy my boyfriend who is all i have to live for and i cant change who i am to make it work. i feel like ive been permantly scared and now im like a broken person and when we argue i dont want to live anymore. i tried prozac for a year or so but stoped taking it and didnt notice any different. ive been on and off waiting list for cognitive behavourial theorpy for years. i imagine i will spend the rest of my life like this, i have never attempted suicide, ive always just survuved a day at a time and thought of it as the 'emergancy exit', knowing it was an option helped me get through. i dont know if you can help, just writing this down has helped a bit.
Answer
I think you hit on a good form of treatment. Journaling can be very helpful as a means of getting out your feelings. Write about what is bothering you, things you feel you can't discuss with anyone else, as well as positive things in your life. You sound like a thoughtful and caring person who has experienced a tremendous amount of pain in your life. Cognitive therapy can be helpful and you can start before you see a trained therapist. First start by reading about depression. I suggest Allen, Jon G. "Coping with Depression: From Catch-22 to Hope", 2006 ISBN-13: 9781585622115.
Next, daily exercise, which includes walking, lifting weights, or anything that gets the blood moving has been shown to help alleviate some depressive symptoms. This can be something you do with another person but I have found walking alone to be an excellent time to reflect on what is happening in my life. You should also be good to yourself. Treat yourself to something special that you enjoy. I like to take a couple of hours and just relax in the local coffee shop with a cup of coffee and read the paper or a book. It’s also interesting to watch other people come and go. Finally, join a self-help group. These groups can be helpful because it allows you to share with a group of people who are walking in your shoes. Most importantly, you are not alone and depression is very treatable. Medications can be helpful but it is no substitute for therapy and sharing you feelings. While you wait for a therapist join a group, start exercising, journal your feelings, and read about depression and how you can help yourself. I wish you luck and if you have any other questions please drop me a note.
Chris
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