AboutChris Harris Expertise I can help with referral questions regarding suicide prevention and treatment as well as problems finding support, speaking with loved ones about suicide, and accessing needed services. I do not give advice regarding medications or endorse any particular service group or organization.
Experience Out patient therapist, emergency room social worker, and drug and alcohol counselor
Education/Credentials masters degree in social work, State social work license
Expert: Chris Harris Date: 4/20/2008 Subject: suicidal
Question QUESTION: So before I write anything I guess I need to say sorry for how long this may turn out to be.
Okay so, I guess you could say that I've had an ongoing battle with suicidal feelings. They started when I was in about grade 6 (I'm 15 in grade 10 now). I never really knew why they started; I used to be incredibly happy and outgoing until one day I guess everything just hit me. I realized that I wasn't the person everyone wanted me to be.
Anyways, I never really tried to kill myself until a year after. Then my Mom found out after the school counsollor managed to get a hold of and read my private journal. You would think that I would have gotten some kind of help after that, but I didn't. I just ended up getting sent into a major guilt trip by my mom about how I have things so easy and how she had such a bad childhood. After that I started hurting myself to kill the pain (I had done that in the past but only once).
Then when I was almost finished that school year I met this amazing boy who I became very close to. He ended up getting all of my inner secrets out that I would never tell anyone (how I had been molested as a child, how I felt that everything that went wrong in my family was my fault, etc.) He even found out about the suicide attempts but for the first time in my life someone was listening without judging me. I finally felt worth it; like someone truely cared.
Then in grade 9 I got into a huge fight with my family right after my uncle died. On the 29th of October I tried to kill myself (overdose). That same night i was talking to him and he helped me stay awake because nobody was at my house to take me to a hospital.
This past summer he moved very far away. Before he left he promised things wouldnt change but I feel like they did. And worse my suicidal feelings are back. Not to mention I think I have become addicted to certain painkillers that I have been taking for no particular reason. I want to talk to him about this but we never seem to talk anymore and when we do I want to keep the conversation happy so that he doesnt think something is wrong and worry about me.
I guess the point of this is to ask if there is some way I can find help without my parents finding out again. I am afraid of what my mom will think if she knows I'm doing the same things again. And a hospital emergency room is out of the question because the nearest hospital is an hour away but the nearest one that deals with psychiatric patients is 3 hours away. I'm afraid though if I don't find some sort of help that I will kill myself when I get upset... I know what I am capable of when I'm down. I think I'm insane
ANSWER: Laura,
It's hard to know what the laws of your particular state are governing confidentiality for minors. In my state, you could receive treatment without your parents being aware with a big BUT...if you are paying for your treatment with their insurance, they will find out. There are several hotlines which give you a live person to talk to 1-800-784-2433. Beyond that, I am not sure if there is any other way to guarantee your parents will not find out about your treatment. Your school should provide some kind of counseling but I can not guarantee it would be confidential from your parents especially if you are thinking about harming yourself. You mention a history of molestation. Do your parents know? There are several internet therapy groups out there but I am not sure what the costs are or how beneficial the therapy is.
My ideal best answer is to tell your parents point blank, in a matter of fact way, you feel depressed, attempted to kill yourself once, and are afraid you may try again. Explain to your mother that despite having it "easy", you still have times when you don't want to live and you can explain why. Let her know that making you feel guilty only makes you feel worse. Also, you need to tell her about the drug problem. It's a sign the depression is getting worse and you are attempting to medicate it away.
Tell you mother you have a plan.
1. Your mother needs to call your pediatrician and make an appointment to discuss how you are feeling and get a referral to a therapist.
2. You want to see a therapist either in school or after school to talk about your feelings.
3. You plan to feel better with her help. Letting mom know how she can help may make a difference in how she reacts. Most parents want to rationalize their kid’s depression away as "kids stuff" which will go away. Your stuff is serious and needs treatment. Everyone deserves to be happy and your day is coming.
Good luck and drop me note if I can help in any other way.
Chris
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Now that I have read your answer there are a couple of things I must add.
Insurance and state laws don't affect me as I am in Canada (haha). So I'm willing to bet you don't really know the laws in Canada governing the confidentiality of minors either...?
No my parents don't know about the molestation. But I have learned to not let that affect me, the problems that I experience (or any time when I am feeling as if I may kill myself) it is never a factor. Sometimes I have nightmares about it, but those are now few and far between compared to say when I was 10. (it happened about once a month over the course of 3 years from when I was 4-7). It's something I just sort of block out. If I tell my parents about it now won't it just stir up unpleasant memories that I am able to deal with on my own?
If I tell my parents about the drug problem and they take the drugs away, won't I just have a new set of problems to deal with (trying to get over being on pills I have been taking almost everyday since sometime in November)? Will they take away the pills that I already have (including the ones I have hidden just in case things get way to hard and I decide to end my life)? And is there a whole lot of difference from me "attempting to medicate it away" and getting put on anti-depressants to medicate it away?
I know from when I got sent to the school counselor in grade 7 that one of the first questions asked is if I have a suicide plan. Does having a "secret stash" of pills for just in case I feel the need to take them all to kill myself count?
Lastly, if I tell will I get hospitalized?
Answer Laura,
First, the trauma you experienced as a child is affecting you now. You may not know it but it is. Second, telling your parents will stir things up and bring back a bunch of difficult memories. This is the reason you should ask for a referral to a therapist. The therapist can help you work through these issues and help you tell your parents as well as teach them how they can help you. Third, your drug use is already a problem but I suspect you do not see it as one. It’s a symptom of a much bigger problem. People do all sorts of things to cope with hurtful or depressing feelings. Drug abuse is a common reaction. You may not see it as abuse but it is. It’s a maladaptive means of coping which needs to be addressed. Finally, I do not know if you will be admitted for disclosing a plan. There are many factors that feed into this decision but if you were in my ER I would likely ask you to stay. This may not be the answer you are looking for right now but I encourage you to ask someone for help.
Good luck and drop me a note if you have ay other questions or follow ups.
