About Luna Expertise I would love to help whoever needs help, with the suicide prevention, just a person who wants to listen and is ready to help
Experience Strangers make Best friends
i was at the edge once and i managed to rise up alone with the help of some people, that's why i believe i can help because no one would understand the depression and alot of people say it is silly what some people go through, i believe that help can come from a person who has been through the same thing. and at the same time not alot of people like to share with parents or go to a doctor, thats why i am here.
Question Hi John before I elaborate on a very small slice of my life I would like to say thank you for taking out the time to read this email.
I can not begin to share 30 years of abuse in an email but will give you a small insight into what has been going on for nearly 30 years. I was born into a family who abandoned me for being born a female and left me to be raised by my cousins whom graciously raised me with much love and acceptance.
As 5 years went on my parents gave birth to a son and then took me back as they got the son they wanted therefore all of a sudden I was their lucky charm as I was forced to pray for a brother at 4 years of age.
My life has been filled with emotional, physical and mental abuse from my mother and father from the day I have been born. They have never accepted me as their own child and have treated me extremely badly that as a teenager I attempted suicide and no one even batted an eyelid.
My parents have made many errors in their lives to much public knowledge but they made me the scapegoat of all their pit falls and bullied me in many ways to make me silent. Everything bad that has happened in the family home is my fault according to my mother for being born and she has made me pay for 30 years.
No one ever encouraged me to do well in anything but yet my cousin’s helped me get an education, I have 3 Degrees from University, I have been employed by large multi national companies and everywhere I go I get much love and respect from people.
My parents can not stand the fact that my siblings use and abuse them and take their anger out on me and when I confront them I am thrown out the house and have been by my father who has a very dark soul. Now as an adult I am blackmailed, physically hit by my mother unless I do what they want and they want me to sever all ties with my cousin’s who raised me because my parents have this long feud with my cousin’s over inherited money.
I want to work but am forced to stay home, cook, clean and look after everyone until getting married to someone who has paid my father to marry me. Now my parents are threatening me to get married otherwise they will sever ties with me and part of me wants that as I can not ever forget what they have done to me. I don’t know what it is like to be loved and accepted as a child, teenager and adult and I cry as I write this because it is so true, I often dream of being away from this hell and often wonder why so much pain has been inflicted on my life from the moment I was born. I am like a child when a mother figure gives me attention and I love being loved and often friends/strangers will comment on how much I am like a daughter and my heart aches for that so badly as I don’t expose my pain to anyone but keep it buried inside.
I do not drink, smoke, take narcotics or hurt anyone unlike my family who all partake in these activities because I know what that is like. Most of my mother’s family are drug dealers, alcoholics and are divorced, my siblings use and abuse everyone especially my parents yet they never say anything to them and buy them cars, houses, money to make them happy and my parents take out the anger they have towards my siblings out on me and when I stand up to them they shoot me down and threaten to kill me. The worst part is that for 13 years all this abuse has lead to me getting sicker physically and the stress has taken a real bad toll on me that I am constantly in and out of hospital which is another story but I can cope with that I have to.
I thought about suicide this week because I confronted my parents for blackmailing me into marriage and my mother hit me then shouted abuse and said all the bad things that have happened to her is because I wont get married, my father screams and doesn’t speak to me for months mainly because he has taken the money yet they act as if nothing happened.
No one can understand or see how evil they are as the community think they are the pillars of the community and make me look like the bad child, the middle child for being born and tainting their lives with an extra burden. My whole life I have been told that I am burden, why was I born and they should have aborted me when they had the chance.
But something inside of me keeps me going, faith, hope? I am not sure but I know this much I have come so far without them that how come whenever I step outside the house which isn’t a home I get so much love, attention and respect from people I don’t even know, I can’t be a bad person as I am made out to be. I don’t want to kill myself but I just don’t want to suffer anymore either, 30 years of this hell and I haven’t even won the lottery!! I proof-read this email and cry as it is just a tip of the ice berg and really wanted to write/talk to someone about how I am feeling as on Tuesday I was ready to end this journey and nearly picked up the blade yet don’t want it end with them winning as I haven’t done anything wrong, I am a good person with a good heart yet why has all of this happened to me for so long?
Desi xx
Answer hey, i am not John but i was touched by your story, so if you would allow me to help you :)
You said something correct in your letter. If you do this, If you kill yourself you are just declaring them winners! which won't do you or them any good. You have a future, and from what I've read you seem to be a lovely person, you are just badly bruised because of these 30 years.
Think of it, you have come across horrible 30 years! If you do this now, you are throwing those years into waste. You have education (and that itself is a weapon against anything). I know that you just want to be loved, because you have never felt that (just like you mentioned)
You have a choice, and you are on the beginning of the right track, You do have the will of staying alive, so i believe you do have the courage to move one. Put a stop to this, Put a stop to all the physical and mental abuse, you are old enough to take care of yourself. Try talking to them at first, if they don't seem to respond to you then take a decision and move away from them and start your life from scratch. alone it doesn't matter, you will soon notice the difference, you will be able to be yourself and you will be loved. Just don't let this get to you, you are a strong, smart woman, and you will do well.
