AboutLynne Luckett Expertise I can answer questions about surviving suicide, about losing a family member to suicide and how to heal the hole that is left behind by a loved one committing suicide.
Experience My father committed suicide when I was 8 years old. It took me 13 years to even start dealing with his death but once the healing started it was truly an educational experience. I know now that he is with me all the time and though his physical self is no longer here, his spirtual self lives on in me and my son. I'm now 49 and have talked to several people about losing a loved one to suicide and have received some positive feedback about my advice. I am a medical transcripitionist and have been in the medical field for 20+ years. I feel I survived my dad's death to have the understanding to be able to help others. I love to help others.
Question First of all let me start by saying, I hope this helps and makes people think when they are contemplating suicide. My husband committed suicide in November 2007. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about him, we have 2 kids, Maritssa just turned 5, and Christian just turned 4. I guess my question for you is: is he with us? What do you think about the afterlife when suicide is at hand? What happens? I guess im still grieving, but I just pray hes okay. Our kids cry everyday cause they miss their daddy and there is nothing i can do to bring him back. We will have to live with this the rest of our lives. Might sound crazy, but his suicide showed me and taught me alot. That life is just too precious. He will never see his kids grow up, talk to them, hold them. Seeing a beautiful day outside with a nice breeze. He cant be here for that. I am still trying to get over this but I know i never will. It just hurts me sooo much for the kids. They are hurting. i have never hurt soooo much, but one thing i did learn, after his sucide i was thinking about following his path, doing the same thing, i was very depressed, but know how much he left me in hurt, his kids, I COULD NOT hurt someone sooo much. I couldn't do it. Another question, what do you think about predestined or free will? Any helpful advice would be very appreciated. Thank you, and god bless you for what you do! Anyone can email me at j14l5@yahoo.com
Answer My Dear Liliana,
First of all, my heart goes out to you and your precious children. I can feel your pain through your words. I have written many times before that even though the physical self is gone, the spiritual self never leaves. He will let you know he is okay; either by a subtle sign: a laugh that sounds like him or a smell that reminds you of him or he will choose another way to comfort you from beyond. I firmly believe that it happens. It may be him that led you to contact me through here.
Children of suicide are special little ones indeed. They are too young to remember him yet old enough to feel the pain of loss. When they are older, tell them the truth about their father. His act is not a reflection on how much he loved them. In fact, it is probably because he loved them and you so much that he chose to do what he did. There are many organized religions that believe if you take your own life you are denied entrance into the Kingdom of God. I believe God understands those who are hurting and while it saddens Him that they choose to throw away His precious gift, He welcomes ALL His children into His loving arms.
As for free will or pre-destiny, it is my belief that the mind can only process so much pain, whether physical or emotional, and eventually one crosses over a fine line. Once that occurs, the journey has begun and there is little that anyone can do to prevent the inevitable. It's okay to feel angry but it is not okay to feel guilty. You could not have loved him any more and made him stay. He did what he felt in his heart was the right thing to do.
Liliana, seek out a grief support group, especially one where others have survived suicide of a loved one. Please know that I'm praying for you and your little ones. God will take care of you if you but ask. I promise that some day the pain will ease and you will have peace. Until then, stay strong for your babies.
I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond to you. I just recently was honored to be with my mom as she passed from this life into God's Kingdom. He has made a promise to those who believe.
Please know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you. God loves you and so do I.
