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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Mental Health > Suicide Prevention > suicide
Expert: Aleah
Date: 7/10/2008
Subject: suicide
Question
I am 30 years old and live in Tuscaloosa. My family moved here from Myrtle Beach when I was 12 because they went bankrupt and lost everything. I did not like it here because it is a different lifestyle. All of my friends and my memories were in Myrtle Beach,but I have to live in this shithole. I was very angry with my parents although I knew it was not their fault. I could never get things to work here. I did not know I was depressed. I just knew I felt funny,more distant. I had always been easy-going and caring for other people,but now I was hateful and distant. After graduating from high school,I moved with my father to Texas. I was happy because I looked at it as a fresh start. I actually had things going for a while. Girlfriend,job,place of my own. Then one Sunday morning,I go to pick up my girl for church and she wasn't at her place. I went to church and I asked one of the girls that she knew in the class. She said she had left to go back to Chicago. Nothing. No good bye,nothing. Man,was I ever blue. That was as down as I ever felt. Then about a week later, I get called into my dumbass manager's office and he tells me he's firing me. I wanted to kill him! No reason,nothing. So now that I was blue as a Smurf,my pop wants to move back to Tuscaloserville because he got fired from his job. I don't have any money,so I tuck my tail & move back to Shitsville,USA. Then a year later after I lose nather craptastic job,my folks enroll me in Community College. I've got some hard-ass law & math courses and not doing well(C-average),so they decide to yank me. That put me even further into depession. For a long time,I didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything. I was hoping that you could tell me what to do. I don't have anything in my life and really don't feel life is worth living. I not wanted to open up to anybody because i don't forget. I don't forget that no one was there when I was curled up and needed someone. They're like get over it. I'd like to get 6 feet over them with a shovel and dirt. I wanted to know what you thought. Thanks.
Answer
Donald,
As hard as it may be to believe right now, I think everything happens for a reason. I think you have to spiritually believe that in order for it to be true, but in any case, I know exactly where you're coming from.
I was born and raised in The Middle of Nowhere, Kansas. I didn't really have any good "friends" or opportunities or any reasons to be happy until my dad got a position in Orlando. I was 13 at the time and I LOVED my high school, the people, and everything was going for me... until we moved again. Bye-bye life; hello boringness.
but you can't look at it that way. I know how it feels to want to get out of the box you feel like you're living in. I know how it feels to need some real people and action going on in your life.
You have to look for the opportunities at this point. Go online. Look up colleges that you might be interested in and apply for scholarships. Look for student loans. If you really need to show off, take some online courses, get good grades, and colleges might look at you. A lot of students don't even consider college because of the finances, but there are many opportunities out there to help. Don't forget about FastWebs.com.
Also, try looking for an internship or something. Maybe a cool program might accept you to study with them. You don't know until you look.
You might even consider looking for community service opportunities. Yeah, it can be kind of lame, but you'll meet other people, and if you wanted to get into a college, community service hours help your transcript and open doors for scholarships.
And if you're in desperate need for a little extra cash, sign up for online survey groups and advertisement affiliates. For example, I use InboxDollars, which pays you 2 cents for every email you read from them. It's not much, but it all adds up later on, especially if you sign up for multiple of these things (if you want a list, reply to this, and I'll send you the links to what I have).
I really wish you the best. Don't give up, and especially don't give in to suicide.
-Aleah
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