Expert: Lynne Luckett - 11/3/2009

Question
I'm 15 and depressed. I've been depressed for as long as I seem to be able to remember. Just recently the girl I was seeing left me. Said she needed to "find herself". I loved her more then anything. I had seen my fair share of girls before her, she was absolutely the most amazing girl I had ever met. Now that she's trying to move on and find herself I feel alone. I used to feel empty and broken, but she made that go away. Now the feelings have crept back in again. My life always seems to fall down upon me, like a glass house that shatters as soon as I trust someone enough to let them in. I feel like my life is being written by some terrible comedian, full of great lead-ups to a punch line that leaves me shattered. I'm tired of picking the pieces up for them to fall down. I'm sick of waking up from the dreams that are always so much better then my reality. I want to just sleep for an eternity, just so I can be with her in my dreams. Just to feel invincible again. Just, if only for a few moments, to feel like a super hero.

"Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there." - Otomo No Yakamochi

Answer
Hi Anthony!
I am always so saddened to read about someone so young feeling so lost.  I can only give you the benefit of my many years of experience.  You may need to talk to a trained professional; I am just someone who was 15 once and lost many loves and survived.  

I remember as if it was yesterday how devastating it feels when someone you care about turns away from you.  At the time, you think nothing could hurt as bad as that.  But losing a parent hurts lots more.  I am not in the least trying to minimize your pain my friend; letting go of something that you love hurts very badly.  

I have a saying and I'm not sure where it came from but it says "In order to hold onto something, you must let it go".  It kind of goes along with the saying "If you love something, set it free.  If it comes back to you, it's yours.  If it doesn't, it never was".  In life, Anthony, we must let those we love go so that they will grow and, if meant to be, come to know how much they need us.  If your paths never cross again, it was not meant to be and that means there is someone else out there who is just as wonderful waiting for you.  It may take many years but you will find the one God has intended for you to love and care for and marry and have children with.  But, in the meantime, you are on a learning curve and the pain you are feeling will subside in time.  

Anthony, in reading your question, you write with such beautiful prose.  The imagery you have in your writing is very nice.  You should try to take the pain you are feeling and write it down in a journal.  This could be very therapeutic.  

In the meantime, my friend, you are never alone.  Trust God and ask Him to heal your broken heart.  He has a lot of wonderful things in store for you and He wants you to enjoy the gift of life.  Talk to Him Anthony, let Him into your life and He will never leave you.

I hope this has helped even a little.  And remember, God loves you and so do I.

Sincerely,

Lynne