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Suicide Prevention/I feel like life isn't worth living.

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In the past five years I have lost almost everything I've ever cared about. My father was killed in war in 2008, my grandfather died a year later, the year after that my cousin got brain cancer and died six months later, 2011 was uneventful but if you fast forward to January 2012 you'll find the event that pushed me over the edge, my best friend and I had a huge fight, (I've loved him for over 10 years) and the week after he ended up killing himself. I feel like I can't take it anymore, I'm 16 now and he was my only friend and now he's gone. I have spent time in the hospital for past suicide attempts and self harm. I feel as if one more bad thing happens I won't be able to take it. My mother has resorted to hiding every sharp object, all belts and locking up all the medicine in the alcohol cabinet. Everyone is worried about me and acts like I'm some ticking time bomb that if they make one wrong move I'll kill myself. I don't want to die, I just want to stop hurting like this, please help me.

Answer
Hi Samantha!

It sure seems like you have experienced a lot of sadness in your short time here on earth.  You need to seek help to learn how to grieve for your losses and realize that none of it was in your control.  Unfortunately, people die in war and people get brain cancer.  Those are things that we as individuals cannot control just like losing a loved one to suicide.  The only one who can control whether someone dies from suicide is that person.  We cannot carry the burden of all those we love on our shoulders.  Your friend made a choice that was, in his mind, the only choice he had.  But I am here to tell you that you do have a choice, Samantha.  You can choose to live and get past your grief and go on to do great things for others who are suffering.  You are a beautiful gift from God and He has plans for you.  He knows your pain and He has sent his angels to watch over you and keep you safe until your heart can heal from all the pain you have experienced.  When God created us, He gave us hearts that hurt when we lose people we love.  But He also gave us a great capacity to heal and become stronger through our pain.  We don't appreciate how beautiful the view is from the mountain top until we have been through the valley.  God is waiting to hear from you Samantha.  He is waiting to take you in His loving arms and help you to put your grief away in a corner of your heart to remind you how lucky you are to be given this precious gift of life.  Seek help and know it will take work on your part; there is no magic pill to take to make things better.  But God is ready to help you if you but ask Him.  Please ask Him Samantha.  

I hope this has helped in some small way and please don't hesitate to contact me again if I can do anything else for you.  And remember, God loves you and so do I.

Sincerely,

Lynne

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Lynne Luckett

Expertise

I can answer questions about surviving suicide, about losing a family member to suicide and how to heal the hole that is left behind by a loved one committing suicide.

Experience

My father committed suicide when I was 8 years old. It took me 13 years to even start dealing with his death but once the healing started it was truly an educational experience. I know now that he is with me all the time and though his physical self is no longer here, his spirtual self lives on in me and my son. I'm now 49 and have talked to several people about losing a loved one to suicide and have received some positive feedback about my advice. I am a medical transcripitionist and have been in the medical field for 20+ years. I feel I survived my dad's death to have the understanding to be able to help others. I love to help others.

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