Suicide Prevention/full of nothingness


Licked by the sobbing sadness of being me. Nothing stops nothing stands still, so tiered I am laying in my bed wondering about death, wishing I was dead. Hiding from humanity and it's sickening ways miserable because I'm part of it but still so different. So petrified of silence I am and withdrawing myself from noises to be in the silence of these suicidal voices calling me, obsessed with it. There is danger all around me but nothing is appealing to this frustrating suicidal voices in my head. Something went wrong in my life and now I'm merely a cynical person whose hopes and dreams have...committed suicide.

I have a gun nearby just incase. Walked away from home with it in the hopes that I wont come back. I haven't felt so calm in a while when I felt that cold barrel against my temple but someone interupted me and I just took of running back home. I want to kill myself but I'm just affraid. What if I come back reincarnated? What if death is just a worse version of life? What if it's really eternal? Yes I am young and can still do many things, sad that I'm only 23 but there is nothing all of it is empty I'm not impressed of what I've become. And to start trying now seems useless and not the option. I work from home mainly I think because I feel like a fool out there unable to be myself afraid of all the judgements. I am tierd of feeling the way I feel, I just feel the need to rid of it because the thought of suicide is getting more intence. I've never thought of suicide as much as I do these days. I'm without hope, hopeless why? why am I the loser defeated by the world full of crap.

In there greatest moment of joy I find my worst moment of pain wishing, if it was only a moment I could survive but the moment stretches into eternity. My reason for being is lost, destroyed I have no self-worth, my existence becomes meaningless. Nothing can remove the pain that has become my heartbeat of existence. Thinking if only I could end it but if I try I freeze dead still, something is keeping me here to big a fool to see what it is. I seek the end waiting. For me the best thing in life now is knowing it must end someday.How long must I continue to be strong when I'm not. I can not continue these outward lies pretending I'm fine, no one to see,no one to hear, no one to know the yearning that is my daily existence. It's like a never ending spiral of nothingness, wanting to die every day. I don't know what exactly I'm asking. I'm unsure whether it's the advice I seek or a crafty way to end my life. I know I'm too big a fool to approach someone and tell them how I feel face to face.
Can you please help.

Thank you.

Dear Rose,
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Only 23 years old.. this should be a wonderful, positive time in life for you. It's not though, is it. I can feel from your letter the pain you are in, and I can only hope that together we can work through some of this, and help you to find some answers, and to want to live.

Depression is such a sneaky, insidious illness that creeps up on unsuspecting people. All kinds of people, for all kinds of reasons, and sometimes for no reason at all! There is much I want to say to you, and more I want to ask you. I hope you are not in a rush to be anywhere else, because this may take a while, and I want you to know right now that I am committing to help you get through this period and come out the other side of this big black cloud, into the sun. :-)

One things that stands out and fairly screams from the rooftops of your letter.. your vast intelligence. For some reason highly intelligent individuals tend to be prone to depression and I always then to thing it's because there is so much activity going on in their minds, so much 'wiring'.. so that it's more likely that a fuse will blow at some point, somewhere.

Do you mind if I ask you some questions? I'd like to know if you have ever been on any antidepressant medication before, and if so what? Have you been treated for depression? And if you don't mind doing so.. could you write a little about your childhood and include any incidences in particular that were traumatic and difficult for you.

Meanwhile, I want you to have my private email address:  future-breeze@   and my phone number is (61) Australia + 424 035 402. Please would you text me if you're feeling particularly low, and I will happily phone you straight back so that we can talk.

I can't begin to express to you the damage you would be doing to people in your life, if you were to end yours. Even people who you might not think care, would suffer enormously. And others, who you know already do care.. there lives are effectively over the minute they learn that yours is. Having suffered through the loss of my best friend to suicide, I would NOT wish the residual pain, pure grief and unhappiness that is left behind - not on my worst enemy!

You raise some good questions by the way, and I have a reply which I will write from email over the next day or two. Meanwhile, please send me your email address and I hope we can talk further.  Please don't give up because we CAN fix this!

Big Hug coming your way..

xo Rachel

Suicide Prevention

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Rachel Hurst


All questions sent to me will receive a warm and caring response. I'll do my utmost to address a persons particular problem, but in most cases will also attempt to supply that individual with additional resources which might be of further benefit. There are many helpful online support groups where readers can benefit from the ongoing support of others who have suffered similar problems. These groups offer invaluable peer support from others who have 'been there'. As well as responding to your initial letter, I'll attempt to provide ongoing encouragement when this is needed. Advice will be focused on addressing the writers individual needs, and providing related information and resources. I would try to ensure that any person seeking advice has accurate and up-to-date information on the signs and symptoms of depression, and importantly, is made aware that help is available through many different avenues. Where I feel that it's relative and helpful I would mention my own life experiences with depression and coping with a loved one's suicide (however, only in context.) I would be on the lookout for warning signs that the person is in crisis and may require immediate intervention. As such I would arm myself with as much information as possible in order to refer them to the help they need. In cases where I believed the persons life to be in imminent danger I would contact authorities in their area, or if unknown, I would call the emergency services in my area in order for the person to be located through tracking.


I am by no means a trained professional. My knowledge comes mainly through life experience, having endured the devastating loss of my best friend through suicide, as well as my own subsequent battle with depression following his death. I found that my own experience of losing a loved one to suicide put me in a strong position to help others, due to my ability to empathize (as opposed to sympathizing). I became knowledgeable on the topic of grief, and the extensive repertoire of depressive illnesses, signs, symptoms, and treatment options available to people in crisis.

S.O.L.O.S. Survivors of Loved Ones Suicide - Active member since 2003.

'Marie Claire' Australian, 'Cleo' (Australian), Online discussion forums (in which my submissions have stimulated discussion and generated much feedback).

I am a professional writer. I was trained in journalism. Please see my profile in Linked In. I have studied related subjects during training as a registered nurse. Both of my parents are mental health professionals. However most of reading widely and life experience has been my greatest teacher.

Past/Present Clients
I have helped a number of individuals who have sought my take on a particular problem, or whom I have felt concern for, for various reasons.

©2017 All rights reserved.