Suicide Prevention/hi


I have 3 problems. The first one has to do with my math teacher. Im very sensible and carr a lot bout things but hes making my life miserable. He always shouts at me. When I go to the blackboars he lets say do it thos way or why dont u know this exercise and I get distracted and then I freeze and he shouts more. He chooses the most difficult exercises in our exams and wants us to be scientists. He is obsessed. Im in advanced math and there are peple who dont study at all but he s polite with them. A friend of mibe took a 6 in the exam but hes very sweet with her. Now she started a course and he thinks of her as the best student. I cant start a course bcs the school ends in 16 days & I study in a private school and i have to pay 100 dollars a month so my parents arent millionaires. But im a good student
I may not be talented but I study maths. And even when I dont know sth he screams but when the others are there he doesn't say anything or he says sth like study more about . I am very streased. Today a friend told him about me : she got distracted professor and he said she has no reason. I cabt talk to hin though. Hes harsh. The other problem has to do with my bff. Me abd her have been friends for 3 years. But now a friend in my class is alobe and she stays with my bff. She s not alone really she can stay witg other girls ib class which are good but she want to stay with my bff. Maybe im jealous ok but I hate staying behind them and I hate her telling my bff her love stories while pretending im invisible there. And I told my bff about my problem with math and she told me the teacher is right. I wouldn't do the. exercise even if he hadn't screamed. I feel very bad. I almost cried. And then my bff and that girl go out togwther.  Share secrets together and u know what she always tells me ypu worry too much u r like this wirh everyone but that other one is always the perfect friend and I
Always the one that stays with her buys her sth witg my money and she uses me. I dont want to talk to her about this. Today I was really mad and they were listening to music together. I didn't say anything. I want to leave that school.  I told this to my friend and she told me:okeave next year. She didn't even tell me dont worry etc. What kind of friend does that?? Of course she has sb to replace me. And the last thing is about my future. My passion are foreign languages. I want to know as many as possible and matbe be a lecturer or a translator. My mom says u dont get enough money and she os right bcs where I live everyone knows at least 2 languages. But that's what I want to do. Anyway I study a lot and I can do sth better and that's what I always think. What if I get a degree in english lets say and I dont find a job. But if I study economics then ill find it easy to have a job. Sorry for writing so much.I hope you help me. Thanks for every response.

Hi Capitol,

Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you honey. I've just been reading over your letter again, and I have to say how much you impress me! You strike me as being a highly intelligent, sensitive, and quite driven young woman. You are really going to do something GREAT with your life! With regard to what you said about your passion for learning foreign languages - I say GO FOR IT! What an absolutely wonderful thing to be into! I too, adore other languages, however I took my sister's advice when choosing high school subjects, and did physics and chemistry instead - and I not only failed dismally, but was terribly unhappy trying to keep up when my heart wasn't in it. I never did learn another language, and it's something I regret. If you love what you are learning, you will learn it well and be good at it! And trust me - if you love what you do in this life, you are 90 percent there! I am glad you feel determined to do this anyway, even despite what your mum and others might say about the earning potential for language students. There are actually MANY exciting career opportunities for you, for example working as a translator at customs within international airports, or teaching English at any of the countries of which you've studied their language, and don't forget that you could easily go to any of these countries and find a job as easily as a national of that country! You could be a tour guide, or yes, a lecturer! When you enjoy what you do during your work life, you will find immense satisfaction that other people can only envy. People tend to flourish when they are doing what they love, and sadly too many people lack passion - for anything! I pity them. Good for you sweet heart!  

Now for your dreadful maths teacher! (Me thinks he hates his job! ;-)  It's very hard to figure out why some people do what they do and are the way they are. It doesn't sound at all fair the way this man is treating you in comparison with your classmates. I can't imagine what his problem is, but it seems he does indeed have one. Probably not at all to do with you, but for some reason he is behaving rather unfairly. Who knows the reason why! Perhaps you look like the daughter he hasn't seen in ten years because of a messy divorce. Perhaps he thinks you don't need his help because you're smarter than most of the others, so his times goes into them. Or perhaps he used to have a babysitter when he was just a boy, who would be mean to him once his parents left the house, and would force him to eat brocolli and tease him about wetting his bed! Perhaps you remind him of her and this is what makes him grumpy around you. Or perhaps he is actually grumpy with most people, and when you see him being nice to certain students it's because he pities them and is trying to salvage their marks in Maths before the end of term! What I'm trying to say is you may never know why he's like this, and you have only a few options.
To ignore the way he is with you, and just do your absolute best in maths. However whenever you hand something in, or interact in some way make sure you are super sweet to him. Extra smiley and nice. Use his name a lot, and loads of manners. Thank you Mr Papagopolous, Yes Mr P, No Mr P. And SMILE, keep smiling at him in a friendly way, as much as you can manage. You may find that he finds it very hard to be mean and grumpy in the face of niceness! People tend to not know what to do when this tactic is used. It stumps the grumpy ones! And what can they say about it! I really think this 'super sweet' approach is the best tactic. Be helpful in class, offer to hand sheets out, or empty his bin, or clean off the blackboard. No matter how rotten he is, no matter if he screams at you, be very lovely right back at him and see what happens!
As for your BFF, it sounds as though she may be more of a BFS (Best Friend Sometimes!) I remember all too well how hurtful it used to be when a friend would betray my trust, or spend time with someone else doing the things WE used to do! It hurts! And the response she made to your suggesting you might go to another school did seem very unkind. However I wonder if she was saying it out of feeling hurt that you would leave.. kind of like 'you want to leave me? Fine then. Go, if that's what you want!' Like a defensive response to stop herself feeling hurt, perhaps. It is difficult to know how to take it. Where did this other girl come from.. is she new? Bear in mind that it could be you that she is more interested in being friends with. Sometimes when people are shy they will talk more easily to a person they are less in awe of, and don't feel quite so nervous around. It does sound as though your BFF has accepted her 'tagging along' and it might be a matter of either accepting and welcoming this girl as part of a threesome or moving away from them and finding a new bff to start over with.

As a general rule though, do NOT say anything unkind or unwelcoming about this other girl. It is normal to feel jealous but it will only make your friend, and the other girl turn on you, or it will give them reason to talk behind your back. Your best option is to play the 'super nice' card, as with your maths teacher. Include the newbie. Ask her questions, take an interest in her life, discuss music with her, even tell her a secret or confide something.. they are good ways to bond. You might find your BFF changes her tune! Oh, one other thing.. be careful with anybody repeatedly asking you for money. If you aren't comfortable saying no, it's best just not to bring it to school, or don't let anyone know you have it (you may need it for bus fare or emergencies, but don't be seen to be carrying much with you or you could attract the wrong type of 'friends'. It happens a lot with some people, and unfortunately it makes it difficult to know who your real friends are.

If it's not going too well with your BFF and this other girl, maybe you could consider looking around for another group of 3. Often three is a crowd, and you might find that the 'third wheel' of another threesome would be good to hang out with for a while. There's no harm in 'trying on' other friendships for size, or having more than one friend, as long as nobody feels left out. :-)

Let me know how this works out honey. You can email me at - I'm happy to work with you to sort these issues out, and I'm sure that we can figure out a way to make things better!  

Now have a GREAT weekend and do something fun!

x Rachel

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Rachel Hurst


All questions sent to me will receive a warm and caring response. I'll do my utmost to address a persons particular problem, but in most cases will also attempt to supply that individual with additional resources which might be of further benefit. There are many helpful online support groups where readers can benefit from the ongoing support of others who have suffered similar problems. These groups offer invaluable peer support from others who have 'been there'. As well as responding to your initial letter, I'll attempt to provide ongoing encouragement when this is needed. Advice will be focused on addressing the writers individual needs, and providing related information and resources. I would try to ensure that any person seeking advice has accurate and up-to-date information on the signs and symptoms of depression, and importantly, is made aware that help is available through many different avenues. Where I feel that it's relative and helpful I would mention my own life experiences with depression and coping with a loved one's suicide (however, only in context.) I would be on the lookout for warning signs that the person is in crisis and may require immediate intervention. As such I would arm myself with as much information as possible in order to refer them to the help they need. In cases where I believed the persons life to be in imminent danger I would contact authorities in their area, or if unknown, I would call the emergency services in my area in order for the person to be located through tracking.


I am by no means a trained professional. My knowledge comes mainly through life experience, having endured the devastating loss of my best friend through suicide, as well as my own subsequent battle with depression following his death. I found that my own experience of losing a loved one to suicide put me in a strong position to help others, due to my ability to empathize (as opposed to sympathizing). I became knowledgeable on the topic of grief, and the extensive repertoire of depressive illnesses, signs, symptoms, and treatment options available to people in crisis.

S.O.L.O.S. Survivors of Loved Ones Suicide - Active member since 2003.

'Marie Claire' Australian, 'Cleo' (Australian), Online discussion forums (in which my submissions have stimulated discussion and generated much feedback).

I am a professional writer. I was trained in journalism. Please see my profile in Linked In. I have studied related subjects during training as a registered nurse. Both of my parents are mental health professionals. However most of reading widely and life experience has been my greatest teacher.

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I have helped a number of individuals who have sought my take on a particular problem, or whom I have felt concern for, for various reasons.

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