Suicide Prevention/Exes & Self Harm


My ex has a new girlfriend and he'd rather throw away the friendship that I have with him over this one girl and because of that I've begun to cut myself again and not one day passes by when I don't think of committing suicide so I won't have to feel this pain anymore. My friends and cousins tell me to stay strong but I just don't know how anymore. Please help.

Have Faith!
Have Faith!  
Dear Claudia,

Honey I apologise for how long it has taken to answer you.. I've been overseas and messed up the settings on my computer, so was unaware of your question until now. I feel badly about that.. but I'm here now and I hope we can sort this.

Your letter is very short, however there is much between the lines! Correct me if I am wrong, but I'm guessing that there have been problems in your life prior to dating your ex and the subsequent break-up. I say this because your reaction to this normal life event is extreme, and hints at vulnerability on your part. Most of us hurt when a relationship ends, some more than others. We all have different ways of coping with the loss of a love relationship.. and no one way is right or wrong. However it seems to me that you have had an extreme reaction to your break-up, and have not worked through your feelings in a way that would help you to move forward, but are instead self destructing, punishing yourself through your self harming.

I suspect your ex would have been fine with remaining friends with you, but that his new girlfriend is the one who is unhappy with that arrangement. Most girls feel threatened by their boyfriend staying in touch with an ex, and it would cause feelings of jealousy and insecurity that would lead to arguments. Your ex's decision to end the friendship will almost certainly be due to pressure from his current girlfriend, and not a rejection of you yourself. It is important you see it in context, and not personalise matters. Realise he has withdrawn his friendship due to the situation, and not because of YOU. You may find that when this relationship ends, he may want to resume a friendship with you.. although by then you may have moved on, and may be dating a handsome, adorable, but possessive new boyfriend who is not happy to share your attentions with your ex!

Without knowing the situation better, that is all I can say on the boyfriend thing. As for the self harming.. now that is a far greater problem, and indicates bigger issues going on in your life that you do need to address.

Claudia what in your life has caused you so much emotional pain that you are trying to block it by inflicting physical pain on yourself instead?

Many people don't understand why anybody would deliberately harm themselves. What they don't 'get' is that in most cases a person who deliberately injures them self is not trying to inflict pain so much as avert pain.. trying to feel something other than the deep emotional pain inside of them. Do you think this is what is happening for you?

I want very much to help you to work through this Claudia. Do you think you could tell me a little more about this situation? You mention your friends, and cousins.. but not your parents. Have you spoken to your parents about how you are feeling?

Claudia I believe that there is somebody 'out there' for everybody. The world is a HUGE place! I promise you that if you stick around you WILL find another relationship.. one that is right for YOU. And when that happens you will probably look back and wonder how you could have been in the place you're in today! It would be a tragedy if you were to end your life before it's best years! Before you meet the boy you're going to fall head over heels in love with next! Before all of the WONDERFUL things that are just around the corner for you, but which you might never even know about if you opt out before your time!

How old are you Claudia? Will you tell me a little more about life?   Your family? Your hopes and dreams for the future? Do you think you would like to have a child some day?

If you would like to talk to me privately, send me an email to in any case I am sure that together we can work to help you feel much happier darling.

Speak again soon..

hugs from Rachel :-)xo  

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Rachel Hurst


All questions sent to me will receive a warm and caring response. I'll do my utmost to address a persons particular problem, but in most cases will also attempt to supply that individual with additional resources which might be of further benefit. There are many helpful online support groups where readers can benefit from the ongoing support of others who have suffered similar problems. These groups offer invaluable peer support from others who have 'been there'. As well as responding to your initial letter, I'll attempt to provide ongoing encouragement when this is needed. Advice will be focused on addressing the writers individual needs, and providing related information and resources. I would try to ensure that any person seeking advice has accurate and up-to-date information on the signs and symptoms of depression, and importantly, is made aware that help is available through many different avenues. Where I feel that it's relative and helpful I would mention my own life experiences with depression and coping with a loved one's suicide (however, only in context.) I would be on the lookout for warning signs that the person is in crisis and may require immediate intervention. As such I would arm myself with as much information as possible in order to refer them to the help they need. In cases where I believed the persons life to be in imminent danger I would contact authorities in their area, or if unknown, I would call the emergency services in my area in order for the person to be located through tracking.


I am by no means a trained professional. My knowledge comes mainly through life experience, having endured the devastating loss of my best friend through suicide, as well as my own subsequent battle with depression following his death. I found that my own experience of losing a loved one to suicide put me in a strong position to help others, due to my ability to empathize (as opposed to sympathizing). I became knowledgeable on the topic of grief, and the extensive repertoire of depressive illnesses, signs, symptoms, and treatment options available to people in crisis.

S.O.L.O.S. Survivors of Loved Ones Suicide - Active member since 2003.

'Marie Claire' Australian, 'Cleo' (Australian), Online discussion forums (in which my submissions have stimulated discussion and generated much feedback).

I am a professional writer. I was trained in journalism. Please see my profile in Linked In. I have studied related subjects during training as a registered nurse. Both of my parents are mental health professionals. However most of reading widely and life experience has been my greatest teacher.

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I have helped a number of individuals who have sought my take on a particular problem, or whom I have felt concern for, for various reasons.

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