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Suicide Prevention/anything makes me want to kill myself


Hello Rachel, hope you are doing fine, that's my first time asking a question. Anyway, I'm 14 if it matters, I cry almost everyday for stupid reasons or no reasons at all, I think of suiciding a lot. I feel like I'm a failure and a disappointment for my family. I feel like life isn't worth living.. whenever I'm happy I feel like I don't deserve to be. I've tried to commit suicide twice, first time I couldn't and the second mom caught me.. I don't know why I'm sad. It's been going on for a year now.. is it normal? or I'm just being dumb.. sorry for my english and for wasting your time. Thank you.

a beautiful day
a beautiful day  
Dear Christie,
I'm glad that you wrote to me because I'm hopeful that I can help you to get to the bottom of why you're feeling this way. Thank you for telling me your age - and yes, it does matter. It's relevant in that you're most likely experiencing a lot of emotional upheaval as a result of hormonal changes going on inside of you. Try to remember that you're going to feel much the same way in 30 to 40 years time when your body is winding down hormonally during 'menopause' when periods cease. This is one reason you may be feeling teary, depressed, unable to sleep well, experiencing mood swings etc..  and it happens to everybody, more to some than others. Even without any other problems or troubles in your life, you still have this to contend with. It helps to remember that all girls your age go through it, and it's a very normal part of growing up and becoming a woman. Unfortunately it can be harder on some girls than others, and you may be one of the unlucky ones. It does help though, when you know that it's normal and that it does get better soon. Because you're having such a difficult time of it, I would suggest you see your doctor and have some bloods taken. Perhaps your GP will be able to recommend some medication, or therapies to help stabalise your moods, and balance your hormones.

I realise that you may have a lot more going on for you than just hormonal changes Christie, but bear in mind that whatever is troubling you will be much harder to cope with at this time of your life than it would later on, because of the changes I mentioned.

From what you say in your letter it seems English is not your first language.. although you do write beautifully and seem articulate and intelligent. Why do you feel you are a failure? Why do you feel that you disappoint your family..? Have your parents given you reason to feel you have let them down in some way? Or do you feel you are not meeting the expectations you have for yourself?  

I'm so sad to hear you say that when you do feel happy you feel you don't deserve to feel that way. Christie.. you DO deserve happiness! Unless you have been torturing small animals and locking your baby sister in the cupboard or some such, you have every right and expectation to feel happiness and joy in your everyday life! Why do you think you feel this way?

I believe you have some serious self esteem issues Christie, and could benefit from seeing a counseller. Have you seen your school guidance counseler? And are you aware that any sessions with a counseller (in school or outside of school) are strictly confidential due to privacy laws, so there is no risk of information you reveal coming back to bite you. A  good counsellor will guide you in discovering where these feelings come from, and how to manage them so that you can function in a happy, healthy way - just as you deserve. You can also talk with a teacher if there is one you feel you could open up to about your concerns. Most teachers are trained in helping students to resolve personal issues, and advising or encouraging them with seeking resolutions.

May I ask what happened when your mother caught you trying to take your life? Are you able to talk with her easily? I'm sure she must be very concerned about you, and would be utterly devastated if anything were to happen to you. She would also spend the rest of her life blaming herself and wondering what she could have done to help you. Please bear in mind that when somebody chooses to take their life, they often take the lives of others with them - without ever knowing it. Suicide is NEVER, EVER an answer to a problem. It is NOT an option because it solves nothing, and creates unhappiness on a scale you probably can't even imagine right now.

You may not be able to see it at the moment, but there is happiness in store for you, and there is a life you have yet to live, with work you have yet to do. Each of us is here for a reason, and each of us must overcome individual obstacles in order to become who we need to be. The more we overcome, the stronger we will be. There is so much more I want to say to you.. but I need to know more about you Christie. Your family life, past traumas you may have experienced, health history, friendships.. anything that you feel you can tell me will help.

Meanwhile I am asking that you believe in your heart that you are precious, realise that your life is so worthwhile, and valuable! I'm so glad that you reached out to me Christie.. and I want to help you to find your way. I hope you will write to me soon and I'll get back to you straight away.

By the way, I understand the computer systems on this site have been playing up, and causing delays with messages. I'm told it's working okay now though, but I do apologise for my slow response.

Speak soon I hope!

(((A big hug))) from Rachel  :-)

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Rachel Hurst


All questions sent to me will receive a warm and caring response. I'll do my utmost to address a persons particular problem, but in most cases will also attempt to supply that individual with additional resources which might be of further benefit. There are many helpful online support groups where readers can benefit from the ongoing support of others who have suffered similar problems. These groups offer invaluable peer support from others who have 'been there'. As well as responding to your initial letter, I'll attempt to provide ongoing encouragement when this is needed. Advice will be focused on addressing the writers individual needs, and providing related information and resources. I would try to ensure that any person seeking advice has accurate and up-to-date information on the signs and symptoms of depression, and importantly, is made aware that help is available through many different avenues. Where I feel that it's relative and helpful I would mention my own life experiences with depression and coping with a loved one's suicide (however, only in context.) I would be on the lookout for warning signs that the person is in crisis and may require immediate intervention. As such I would arm myself with as much information as possible in order to refer them to the help they need. In cases where I believed the persons life to be in imminent danger I would contact authorities in their area, or if unknown, I would call the emergency services in my area in order for the person to be located through tracking.


I am by no means a trained professional. My knowledge comes mainly through life experience, having endured the devastating loss of my best friend through suicide, as well as my own subsequent battle with depression following his death. I found that my own experience of losing a loved one to suicide put me in a strong position to help others, due to my ability to empathize (as opposed to sympathizing). I became knowledgeable on the topic of grief, and the extensive repertoire of depressive illnesses, signs, symptoms, and treatment options available to people in crisis.

S.O.L.O.S. Survivors of Loved Ones Suicide - Active member since 2003.

'Marie Claire' Australian, 'Cleo' (Australian), Online discussion forums (in which my submissions have stimulated discussion and generated much feedback).

I am a professional writer. I was trained in journalism. Please see my profile in Linked In. I have studied related subjects during training as a registered nurse. Both of my parents are mental health professionals. However most of reading widely and life experience has been my greatest teacher.

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I have helped a number of individuals who have sought my take on a particular problem, or whom I have felt concern for, for various reasons.

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