AboutLynne Luckett Expertise I can answer questions about surviving suicide, about losing a family member to suicide and how to heal the hole that is left behind by a loved one committing suicide.
Experience My father committed suicide when I was 8 years old. It took me 13 years to even start dealing with his death but once the healing started it was truly an educational experience. I know now that he is with me all the time and though his physical self is no longer here, his spirtual self lives on in me and my son. I'm now 49 and have talked to several people about losing a loved one to suicide and have received some positive feedback about my advice. I am a medical transcripitionist and have been in the medical field for 20+ years. I feel I survived my dad's death to have the understanding to be able to help others. I love to help others.
Expert: Lynne Luckett Date: 4/18/2004 Subject: Father commited suicide
Question My dad commited suicide in 1981. He had been in and out of V.A. hospital for about a year and a half before it happened.(at the V.A. on 24hr suicide watch.)All I know is , is that I have a severe anger problem that affects mine and my families life. I know most of the facts about his death. After it happened , mom had us go to counseling. Only 1or 2 sessions. I am wondering if I, after all these years can a person suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome? If yes, what are signs and symptoms. Or am I just dealing with inhearted depression? I am 30 years old and have children,so I need to stop my tantrum throwing. I have been to anger mngmnt 2times, and on anti depressants. Maybe it could be hormonal?
Answer Hi Sarah:
If my math is correct you were about 7 years old when your father made the choice to end his life. You are now going through exactly what I did. I'm convinced there is an issue with anger, guilt, sorrow, regret and emotions we may not even realize. I found myself drinking a lot and driving fast and not really caring if I lost control of the car and it killed me. I was in a passive suicidal mode. What did I do to make him not want to see me grow up? What could I have done to show him how very much I loved him? Why couldn't I see his pain and make things better for him? What you need to realize, I finally have, is that once a person makes the decision to end his or her life there is really nothing anyone can say or do to make it different. What I'm saying is at the moment the act is considered I feel there is a fine line that a person crosses over and it is a kind of dark otherworld with no communication available. It does not mean, however, that he did not love you. With my dad I finally realized that the pain he was in (he was an amputee and had constant pain from the artifical leg) made him feel that he just was tired and wanted out. It is a very selfish act and that's why we feel angry, then guilty for being angry. It's a vicious cycle.
I have a saying about depression. Depression is being disappointed when the sun shines. If you think about that it sort of encompasses exactly what depression is like. Sunshine demands that you feel good, depressed people don't want to feel good.
I have been at peace with my father's death for quite a few years now with regard to why and what could I have done. That was a choice that HE made not based on anything I said or did or could have done. He crossed into that otherworld and is now at peace himself. And, he has come back into my life spiritually. When a loved person dies the physical self may leave but the spiritual self comes back again to comfort and watch over you. Your father most likely has already come back to you but you may have missed the signal. You will know by something as subtle as saying something that only he said or as obvious as an overwhelming awareness of his spirit becoming part of you. That's what happened to me and the peace that followed was wonderful.
I am now 47 years old and hormones are really playing havoc with my body. At 30, depending upon family history, you certainly could have hormones that are playing a part in your temper tantrums. See a physician about that if you haven't already. And the right counselor can be very helpful or perhaps a support group. Remember that we are only given the people in our lives for a little while. Be sure that if God should call one of them home unexpectedly you are not left with regrets. Never let the sun set on your anger. And, if you are so inclined, talk to God and your father and ask for help. I had a vision of my father sitting at the right hand of Our Father! What a comfort that is.
I wish we could sit down and have a nice long chat face to face. Please feel free to contact me if you have any more questions. My email is luckyme@socket.net. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Lynne
