AboutLynne Luckett Expertise I can answer questions about surviving suicide, about losing a family member to suicide and how to heal the hole that is left behind by a loved one committing suicide.
Experience My father committed suicide when I was 8 years old. It took me 13 years to even start dealing with his death but once the healing started it was truly an educational experience. I know now that he is with me all the time and though his physical self is no longer here, his spirtual self lives on in me and my son. I'm now 49 and have talked to several people about losing a loved one to suicide and have received some positive feedback about my advice. I am a medical transcripitionist and have been in the medical field for 20+ years. I feel I survived my dad's death to have the understanding to be able to help others. I love to help others.
Expert: Lynne Luckett Date: 2/25/2007 Subject: Hurting badly and very lost..
Question Hi Lynne.. Things are going, not that much better, but I'm here still.. However, whether it's a good or bad thing, I have yet to decide.. It's now Sunday and I haven't eaten ANYTHING for about 2 1/2-3 days now, and for some reason, haven't even looked in a mirror once since Friday either. I've been listening to "EVERY" song I have that can maybe help or make me feel better.. Nothing works.. No song is working.. I've tried some good ones by Hinder, Rascal Flatts, LeAnn Rimes, Korn, just plain music (Yanni,Nobuo Uematsu), Barry Manilow, even Backstreet Boys, NO song is working.. This is a first.
If you don't mind me asking; what exactly do you mean by my message sent you on a roller coaster of emotions?. I'm sorry for doing so.. We (Courtney and I) aren't friends anymore but I talked with her close cousin on MSN last night, and she said she's not mad or blaming me, or Courtney for any of it.. That's SOME relief for me..
I've never stayed friends with anyone I've been with, or been close to.. Expecially since it really hurts and would hurt even more.. Yes; I've thought about computers before, but I don't think I will.. I barely know much about them.. Just the basic-things, typing, games, music, ect.. Nothing special.. For my Digital Webpage Design class, I'm/I've just basically given up in there and don't do anything anymore.. It's too confusing, or I'm too dumb to do anything in there..
I've mostly just given up on my will to survive or hopes of succeeding.. I won't be able to make, or accomplish anything in life.. I'm not good at anything, therefore I can't get anywhere.. Even IF I DO get an education.. *Sigh..* Therefore I'll never be able to finish that dream/goal I have about the lake house.. My educational-life has failed.. I've failed, again..
I DO try to be a good friend.. I'm there for others more than myself.. Last night for example: Even though I'm going through all this, again, I was trying// do try to help Courtney's cousin Megan with her guy-troubles she's in.. I act like I'm fine and nothing's wrong when I help others.. I ALWAYS put others, expecially friends, before myself.. It's hard to get to love myself, expecially when I have soo many flaws, and have done/do soo many wrongs..
I agree with you about the work thing not being fair.. Even thought I hated it and hated knowing I had to go; I still went and tried to do my best.. I held my peace there before I quit. I sorta had to though, but maybe not really.. As far as taking pride in what I've done//do, I'm not sure.. I DO believe that everything I get though; whether good, or bad, that I deserve it somehow for some reason.. Otherwise; why would I be getting it as I am now?.
About getting a diploma/career.. It will never happen.. There's nothing I'm good at or really interested in.. I don't even know what elective classes to take next year.. I like swimming, and animals, I was thinking Marine Biology, but that's a no-go.. I'm terrible at biology.. I love animals, so I would be a vet but I'm 100% TERRIBLE at ALL math.. I'll never find a good job/career of any sort and no good type of love-life.. I'm about just ready to quit or settle for ANYONE that's interested in me at all (seems to be mainly the types that drink,smoke,sexualy-active,ect..) The ones I'm not interested or wanting a relation with..
I guess maybe I can't/ won't be able to do better than them as others say.. My family or friends-of-the-family says that I'm so handsome, cute, smart, ect all the time but I disagree.. I think it's just said for kindness?, Afterall; aren't most all families like that?.. I'm just.. I don't know.. I'm just helpless/ hopeless.. I'm sorry for everything I'm doing, or causing for you at all.. It's wrong of me.. Matt..
-----Answer-----
Matt!
I am so sorry for taking so long to respond. I hope you didn't give up on me!
Your message sent me on a roller coaster of emotions I must say. I remember when you wrote to me before that I reminded you just how young your girlfriend is (and you brought it up yourself). She is absolutely right, Matt. Fifteen IS too young to settle down with just one person. I don't know if I told you this before but you have to let something go in order to really hold onto it. In other words, let her go her way and just be her friend. Yes, it will hurt but that's what makes us strong Matt! And that's what makes us appreciate the good times even more.
Then I read about your new school and your grades! How awesome is that? You need to hang in there and get that education. I think, if I'm not mistaken, that you talked about going into computers. Well, get that diploma and then go for that career. Get yourself busy and put all other thoughts in the back of your mind for now. Focus on what you have to do now to survive because somewhere out there is a very special lady who will one day be the mother of your children and you can live together by a lake. (See I remembered!) :)
If a friend is truly a good friend then no matter what you do they'll be there. And as far as getting too close to a girl right now, that is probably a safety mechanism and not entirely a bad thing. Matt, you have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. I get the impression that you are VERY sensitive and I think you'll make a wonderful husband and father....some day. Just don't rush things.
Parents just simply don't understand sometimes. I am struggling with the same thing with my own son right now. I know he probably feels somewhat the way you do and it kills me that I'm just gonna have to let him go and watch him fall until he can stand on his own. It's really tough on us "old" people though so just remember that we are struggling too. :)
Now, another reality, the work force basically reeks of injustice! There are very few people out there anymore who have a good work ethic. Most people nowadays want everything handed to them without working for it. (I have a son like that!) :) You sound like you have good work ethics and that is something you can be proud of. Take pride in what you have accomplished so far, try to put love on a shelf for now (except loving yourself), get that diploma and then a career. I promise you that love will come in time.
I am so glad you came back to me for some more help and I hope I didn't disappoint you. I really do apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Please feel free to write again.
In the meantime, I hope I've helped even a little and when you think that no one cares, remember that I do, go to your computer and write to me. I promise to respond sooner next time.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sincerely,
Answer Matt! Thanks for keeping in touch with me. You are NOT bothering me or causing any problem for me at all. You sound so desperate and I'm searching frantically for something to say that will help. You mentioned you listened to all kinds of music and it didn't help. Matt, I've copied the link to a youtube video of a guy who is VERY special. Please listen to the words closely, take them in to your heart as your own and you will be heard. Please give this a chance. My email address is luckyme5315@alltel.net. Please let me know after you listen to this and if you don't get anything the first time, please listen to it again. He has a message for you, you just have to receive it. Open up the line of communication between you and salvation and you'll be making a start.
Here's the link! I'm counting on hearing from you again.
I forgot to answer why your post sent me on a roller coaster of emotions. I said that because when first reading you said you hadn't eaten in a few days and no music could soothe you but I remembered your previous post about your grades doing better and you mentioned that everything you get that is good is deserved. In other words, I see you definitely struggling with trying to see positive but being so overwhelmed by the negative. And as your friend I am doing the opposite, struggling with keeping the negative away and focusing on the positive while understanding where you are coming from with the negative. I'm still looking forward to hearing from you soon. Hope all is okay.
