AboutLynne Luckett Expertise I can answer questions about surviving suicide, about losing a family member to suicide and how to heal the hole that is left behind by a loved one committing suicide.
Experience My father committed suicide when I was 8 years old. It took me 13 years to even start dealing with his death but once the healing started it was truly an educational experience. I know now that he is with me all the time and though his physical self is no longer here, his spirtual self lives on in me and my son. I'm now 49 and have talked to several people about losing a loved one to suicide and have received some positive feedback about my advice. I am a medical transcripitionist and have been in the medical field for 20+ years. I feel I survived my dad's death to have the understanding to be able to help others. I love to help others.
Expert: Lynne Luckett Date: 10/15/2007 Subject: Lynne.. I HONESTLY don't think I can take it anymore now..
Question Hi Lynne.... I've asked you for help in the past, but don't know if you remember me since it's kinda been a while.. Refreshing info: 18/Male/Sr. in Highschool.. I was with a girl Holly, but it didn't work out.. Moreover my fault. I'm not sure, but I guess that I just became too attached to her, and it pushed her away or something.. Actually; if you need refreshing, would you mind just looking back to previous answers from me? Sorry; but I don't feel too good, or feel like writing out the whole past-information about me again.. If it helps any; I E.Mailed you on your other e.mail, before.
Well anyways now.. Things have changed, and it's not for the best either I don't think.. I'm really sorry to have to get you involved in al this AGAIN, but.. I don't know what I'll do.. There's noone else for me to really go to, so I just came straight to you here..
Firstly; Holly broke up with me, as I said.. That was a couple months ago though, and I'm okay now.. That whole thing don't bother me.. Very much.. Well a couple weekends ago I was with one of my friends, and we went to his friends house for a little party get-together thing his friend Ben was having. Of course if you remember; I've never been much into smoking cigarattes, ever drinking alcohol, and no drugs at all..
Well in 3 weekends; things have changed now.. Since I've met Ben 3 weeks ago, I've been over with him every Saturday to party, and helped him work on Sunday. I've been smoking more than ever before, drinking alcohol, and even doing some Weed.. SO far; I've gotten MAJOR lack-of-sleep the past 3 weeks then I get up for school each morning, school is going bad and I totaly hate it, haven't really met any new girls, been arguing with mom more than I really have in the past.
Well I just don't know what to do, or what I'm going to do.. With all the arguments with mom and some things she says, threatening to kick me out of the house, etc., it seems to me she don't care any.. If I WERE to get kicked out, I have NOWHERE to go and NOTHING to do..
Mom has found out about my new school habits *not doing work anymore*, and stuff on weekends with Ben. She don't want me seeing him anymore, and just BARELY let me and a couple friends go over there this weekend. *Both friends have already been doing all this stuff before they met Ben, so I never introduced them to any of it!*
I've been talking to this one girl, but I met her from some website.. She lives near where we used to dom and CAN possibly meet in-person someday, but.. It's still a long-distance.. I've come to really like her, so I don't know what to do there.. Ben, my 2 friends, and I lied to mom and told her there would be no drinking/drugs at the party of Ben's friend, Mandy that we were going to last night..
We got to her house, moved the party to Ben's house, and had to move it to HIS friend Wayne's house about 30 min. away, then from Wayne's house to HIS friend's.. So, it was a long night.. What we did to just GET to the party was illegal. We overpacker the car, had been in the trunk when NONE of us are 21, etc.. We got there to the party and I smoked some, had about 7 beers and got drunk, then had some Weed with a few people there later in the night then had 2 shots of Vodka..
While I was there; I started talking to and really liking Mandy but she's 15, and I'm not 100% sure if she's seeing anyone or not.. I heard she wasn't, but also that she is, heard her boyfriend is gonna break-up with her or she is with him, etc.. I'm confused there..
I found her MySpace page today when I got home, we messaged eathother a little through that, I got her # and she has mine.. Anyways, I'm not even sure if she likes me in the least!.. Someone I met at the party last night tried talking to her for me, and helping me out with what to do.. I'm not sure if it did any good or anything, but yeah.. I don't think it did though.. :(
If you remember; I started Alternative School.. Well; Alternative-School has been going bad, and our old math teacher left.. Our new math teacher is nice and CAN help, but I'm just dumb.. I'm stupid as hell and can't do math. I'm stuck on math and english, and still need about 15 or 17 credits to graduate and I'm a SENIOR.. I'll NEVER graduate when I'm supposed to.. I haven't finished my math I-Step yet!!... =(
With school, partying, girls, family *mom*, I'm just fucked-up here.. Mom don't like ANYTHING I'm doing and I don't think cares anything much about me. If dad knew what I've been doing what mom knows, he'd kill me.. If any of my sisters or brother found out what I'm into now, I'd be killed by them..
I'm just messed up here.. I don't know what to do and it's really, really killin me.. I don't show it in-person to anyone, but I'm feeling REALLY REALLY bad, and seriously just about to end it all very soon now.. I'm a pure fuck-up here, and NOTHING is good.. Everyone hates me, I'm a TOTAL failure to God now if I wasn't before, I'm a pure idiot and I've proved it just by what I've been doing and told you.. :'(
I'm really confused and hate my life SOOO much right now.. I can't take this, and I'm tired of having to get you involved with my problems like this.. I'm just soo confused and in a lot of pain here.. I really don't know how much longer I can live here..
This sucks and I hate me, everything about me, everyone it seems, and everything in my life right now.. I go on day-to-day like nothing is wrong, but I'm really being otrn apart.. I'm just sooo sad right now and I'm tired of everything.. Nothing gets better, and nothing WILL get better.. Why don't I just end it all now? I don't care anymore.. I just don't care.. Nothing about me, and I, MYSELF don't matter.. Never did, never will.. I'll NEVER do ANYTHING that I want or get ANYWHERE in life..
I'm just a failed useless idiot, and by now YOU know that too.. :'( :'(
I just want to end it all now.. I'm hurting a lot, sad, feeling very sick, and I just want to breakdown and cry soo bad, and end it all fast.. What do I do!?!? :'( Who cares..? Honestly; I don't think anyone.. Honestly; I HONESTLY doubt even YOU do either now..
Answer Hi Matt!
Of course I remember you my friend! I'm so sorry to hear from you again under these circumstances. I do not think you are a failed useless idiot. I think you are just very confused and disappointed with life. I'm going to tell you some very important things here Matt and you need to take them to heart because not being a trained professional all I have is my motherly instinct, past experience and lots of love to give.
You sound like you are dealing okay with the breakup from Holly! That is a sign of growth Matt! Keep working with that attitude. As for the company you are keeping starting with Ben, the fact that you are now drinking, smoking and doing drugs is a sign that he and his associates are bad news. It is never a good thing when you have to lie to do what you are doing. In essence Matt you are lying to yourself saying that it's not hurting anyone when in fact you are hurting the most important person in the world....yourself! Don't continue to be in that trap. No one can say "no" for you; you have to do that yourself. You must find the strength from within to be able to fight wanting to get numb with drugs and booze! No good will come of it Matt and it would certainly be a waste.
As for your mother, I'm pretty sure she cares very much about you. I recently went through an episode with my son where he hurt me very badly and I'm sure to him it seemed as though I didn't care either. He told me he didn't want to live here anymore and I told him I thought that was best. Ripped my heart from its roots. But, he found out how difficult it was out there without a job and called and asked me if he could come home. Of course, I said yes and things are better now than they were; still not great because he's not employed but at least I know he's safe. And I have a suspicion that your mother just needs to know that you are safe Matt.
I am urging you, my friend, to call a hotline and seek help. There is also another expert on here who I would trust to help you. His name is John. I'm sorry I don't have his last name offhand. He is actually a trained professional. Matt, using drugs and alcohol to numb the pain that you are feeling is not a good thing and you are simply too important to this world (and me) to continue doing that to yourself. I am always here to try to help you but I'm limited in what I can do. Please seek help either through a hotline or John here on allexperts.
Keep in touch Matt! I'm praying for you and, as always, remember that God loves you and so do I.
