AboutLynne Luckett Expertise I can answer questions about surviving suicide, about losing a family member to suicide and how to heal the hole that is left behind by a loved one committing suicide.
Experience My father committed suicide when I was 8 years old. It took me 13 years to even start dealing with his death but once the healing started it was truly an educational experience. I know now that he is with me all the time and though his physical self is no longer here, his spirtual self lives on in me and my son. I'm now 49 and have talked to several people about losing a loved one to suicide and have received some positive feedback about my advice. I am a medical transcripitionist and have been in the medical field for 20+ years. I feel I survived my dad's death to have the understanding to be able to help others. I love to help others.
Question A co-workers father just committed suicide. The co-worker was very close with his dad, and is always a very happy person. He is the one who had to get the body down after being discovered. We are all in shock, and very worried about our freind. We are a very close, family oriented company and just don't know what to do. Many of us just don't think our friend will be able to cope or recover. Any advice would be very helpful.
Answer Hello!
Your co-worker is very fortunate to have such loving friends who care enough to worry so much about him.
He certainly has been through a very bad time. I can't think of anything any harder than finding a loved one dead especially by his or her own hand. You can expect that your friend will go through a lot of emotions; anger, grief, depression, guilt etc. It's difficult to give specific advice to you without knowing some of the dynamics of his family, i.e. was he close to his father, did he leave a note, is his mother still alive and how is she coping with this. Those dynamics would be able to shed a little light on what he is feeling and thinking (perhaps). I will say though that the mind is a very tricky thing and a person can seem okay on the outside and just be in great turmoil inside.
One thing that I had to tell myself after my dad died is that it was NOT my fault. There was nothing I could have done to prevent him from ending this precious existence. That's where the guilt is. Your friend will relive every argument he ever had with his dad and will beat himself up because he should have done this or should not have said that. Let him know that what ever happened between them is NOT the reason that he committed suicide. Suicide is a very selfish act and someone who makes that choice is not thinking of anyone but him or her self.
I know that sounds kinda cruel and I don't say it to diminish his dad at all. I'm sure the demons in his mind were just too strong for him to fight. Having fought the demons myself I can certainly attest to their strength.
You might suggest to your friend that he join a support group or if not then encourage him to talk about what he experienced and how he feels about it. Let him know that it's okay to be angry with his dad.
It's my belief, and it took me a long time to come to this point in the road, that even though the physical self is no longer here to touch, the spiritual self never leaves. Your friend will realize that his dad is watching over him from a place where there is no pain or suffering. He will come to him and let him know that it's okay to go on with life. It might be in a subtle way or it may be very dramatic when it happens but it will happen and when it does, peace will follow. But until then, it's a long uphill battle that he has to fight every day.
I hope I have helped at least in a small way. If your friend would like to email me he can at luckyme@socket.net and if you would like to ask me about specific situations you can use it too! Be sure to use AllExperts in the subject line so I'll know what it is regarding.
God bless you all for caring so much about your friend and I'll be praying for you.
