AboutLynne Luckett Expertise I can answer questions about surviving suicide, about losing a family member to suicide and how to heal the hole that is left behind by a loved one committing suicide.
Experience My father committed suicide when I was 8 years old. It took me 13 years to even start dealing with his death but once the healing started it was truly an educational experience. I know now that he is with me all the time and though his physical self is no longer here, his spirtual self lives on in me and my son. I'm now 49 and have talked to several people about losing a loved one to suicide and have received some positive feedback about my advice. I am a medical transcripitionist and have been in the medical field for 20+ years. I feel I survived my dad's death to have the understanding to be able to help others. I love to help others.
Expert: Lynne Luckett Date: 7/16/2007 Subject: healthly relationship and fulfilled life for and with a woman with suicidal thoughts
Question First, I am so willing to help this woman, my soul mate, overcome this pain she carries inside, I know it could be months or years. I am dedicated to helping her overcome this. She was sexually abused by an Uncle when she was 5 for a period of time. So was her brother, many years later the brother killed himself. Then her very close mother died of cancer 2 years ago. I am learning much by reading articles, she displays many of the same emotions as others. She told me of her past before we became so close. I will do whatever I can, she is worth it to me, I helped her get away from a mentally abusive controlling relationship. We now are in love and talking of marriage, when she isn't under this dark cloud of depression. All things are great, including our own children's interaction with each other and us. But this recurring thought of suicide, possibly just during PMS still haunts her. I want to help her, she is fearful that therapy could make her worse. She feels she is all alone dealing with this. She has had therapy in the past for both the abuse and suicide. She says that she was so close to her mom and brother that sometimes the desire to be with them far outways her desire to be here with her kids. She has attempted suicide with pills once, and has even had a gun in hand to do it but didn't use it. Her friends and relatives all say she appears to be much happier and alive now than they have seen in a long time. Most of the time she feels that way as well. Yes I am part of that, helped her get a home of her own, a good safe relationship, be a great father figure to her kids, and always ready to listen. I also now know, it isn't me that is the problem, but it could be if I don't learn how to be more supportive and help her, help herself. Thank you and believe me, she is worth it.
Answer Chris! What a breath of fresh air you are to all the men I've known who can't be sensitive to the needs of the woman they love. Congratulations for finding your soulmate.
You are probably onto something by saying that the depression worsens during PMS. As a woman of 50 I know what hormones can do to every aspect of one's life and body and soul. You don't say how old your soulmate is but she should probably be seen by a doctor, preferably a gynecologist, to see about hormone therapy. If that straightens out, she may very well not need therapy although I would not close that door completely.
She is so extremely lucky to have you caring for her. Remind her that as close as she was to her mother and her brother, even though she cannot hold their physical selves, she cannot kiss them and laugh with them, their spiritual selves never left her. I believe very firmly that when she has felt ready to cross over into the darkness of suicide, it was your love pulling her back and their power surrounding her and protecting her from herself. She will know they are with her if she hears a stranger laugh the same way they did or if she smells a certain smell that will bring loving thoughts of them. There will be some little reminder of how present they are in her life. And if there is ever any doubt, she needs to look only to her own children/child, so very much a part of both of them.
So, first seek out that physician. I'm thinking that a woman gynecologist would be best because of her history of abuse with her uncle (although I know there are very fine men in that profession).
Then, tell her to start writing a journal or a letter to her mom and brother. Tell her to pour out the feelings that she has kept inside all this time. All the anger, hatred, hurt, disappointment, fear, guilt etc.
Lastly, when she is feeling the most down, tell her to look up and pray! If not to God then talk to her mom and brother and tell them what she wants and needs in her life. I know they will hear and so will God and one day she will know that sweet feeling of peace. She's in for a wonderful life as soon as she can get past everything else and start living it.
I hope this helps and I'm praying that I find someone someday who loves me as much as you love her.
God bless you both. Let me hear from you again if possible.
