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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Mental Health > Suicide Prevention > help
Expert: Chris Harris
Date: 10/2/2007
Subject: help
Question
I'm a 18 year old male and for the last 2 years I've been unemployed, i have no friends,never a girl friend, no good memories..I've tried for work but i just cant seem to speak infront of people , back when i was in school i got bullied so much i started fearing groups of people, when i walk past people i just pray that they wont attack me. I'm fat , i was getting thinner but whats the point? all through my life I've had ache and a huge lump right on my cheek..no one would even look at me and even now that its gone my face is all scarred and always dry from the tablets i had to take , all on my back and shoulders i have keloids(raised scars) and a few on my chest.i feel so ugly , whenever someone looks at me , i just know there saying something bad about me. i failed most of my GCSEs..i cant spell, i cant do math. i live at my moms house and everyday I'm told to get a job by my moms husband..i don't know what i want to do , the thought of being away from my dog all day scares me , hes the only thing that actually loves me. i watch a anime called 'love hina' (cartoon) when i watch it, it brings tears to my eyes , seeing how happy they all are..all the friends..i just cry and i wish i could be there, i cry even more because i know it will never happen. its like i know all the characters in it personally..and when I'm not watching it i feel so alone..i just want to see them again, I've only just started watching it but it feels like there all my friends,i miss them. the only memories i have are of bad times..other then that i have no childhood i just stayed in my room. i don't know what to do..i try not to let anyone see how sad i am but once I'm alone,i just cry. i screwed up my life so much..i just wish i could become a child again or somehow go into love hina and be happy, and you might say something like 'go to college learn or something..but i cant find any help getting into college..i got into art college but my nan/mom/her husband told me how stupid i was joining it..so i left then i realized how stupid i was for joining it..i only started drawing a few weeks before.i thought about joining the army but my eyesight isn't good enough and i would miss my dog so much..i feel even sadder without him by side..help i don't know what to do..everytime i try to think of something good the images in my head turn into the characters from love hina...all smiling at me and i get so upset because i cant be with them..you probably think I'm insane and i probably am..just please give me advice, anything. thanks
Answer
Lee,
I am sorry this answer comes so late. It was not forwarded to my email. First, you sound very depressed and have most of the classic signs of severe depression. The good news is there are millions of people out there going through the same thing. Also, you have done a good job recognizing these feelings and the need for help. Finally, there is help out there for YOU. Please call 1.800.784-2433 the hopeline. These people are trained to find you help in your area. Feeling alone, sad, afraid, and stupid are serious symptoms of depression and need treatment. It sounds like your family could be more supportive but it can be hard for other people to recognize what is happening to you especially if you try to hide it. Sometimes hiding depression looks like laziness or like you don't care about anything or anyone. There is more good news though, you can see happiness and want it for yourself. People often turn to things like anime, movies, or some other fantasy which represents what they want in their life. Don't worry about that part of yourself; it is a natural reaction and one that every one of us has used at some time in our lives. Call the Hopeline or log on to www.hopeline.com. I am not affiliated with this group but they do have some good resources. Good luck Lee.
Chris
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