AboutLynne Luckett Expertise I can answer questions about surviving suicide, about losing a family member to suicide and how to heal the hole that is left behind by a loved one committing suicide.
Experience My father committed suicide when I was 8 years old. It took me 13 years to even start dealing with his death but once the healing started it was truly an educational experience. I know now that he is with me all the time and though his physical self is no longer here, his spirtual self lives on in me and my son. I'm now 49 and have talked to several people about losing a loved one to suicide and have received some positive feedback about my advice. I am a medical transcripitionist and have been in the medical field for 20+ years. I feel I survived my dad's death to have the understanding to be able to help others. I love to help others.
Expert: Lynne Luckett Date: 9/4/2007 Subject: i survided my own suicide
Question i have a big problem, in october 2005, after suffering a year of terrible depression and self harm, i took all the tablets not knowing what i was really doing, my daughter then 15 realized something was wrong 2 hours later i took the pills, she already was having 9 terrible months dealing with me , her father was 60 km away working and would be in only at late night, she phoned her dad and had to help me , she went through everything alone, i was 5 days in coma and 1 month hospatilized, i finally decided to get out of this alone, (actually i still have thoughts i would be better dead)maybe i could tell u much more another time, i got back to work and ordinary life , this yeart feb. my daughter starting having panic attacks so i brought her to therapy, she selfharmed too 3 times, and the md said it was normal seen that she had a ggod teacher ME! the problem now is that she acts very wild, and when i try to tell her to do any little thing she shouts and tells me to go to hell, the other day she had gone too far, i have told her many times i am sorry for what happened and that she cannot take my act as an excuse to anything i say to her, i told her that till she lived in the house she should have some minimam rules, so she threw money at me saying she would pay me rent for the house, i unfortanetly slapped her because that was not what i thought she should do and it is really getting out of hand, so then said that i should be grateful to her to be still alive, and that i must not dare touch her once again, she said many other things that heart me a lot, but i feel that because id id what i did i am hopeless, but i promise, i had a lot of good reasons to do it i suffer depression from 2000 and nobody not even the doctors can help they just give me a lot of antidepressants, how can i let my daughter understand that it was not that i did not love her that took me to commit suicide, another thing that angwishes me is that i live the day as if it is a punichment, i think that if i did not die it is because i must go through all this, so then i think hell, is it worth still living???
Answer My friend Orietta!
I can feel the pain in your words. There is so much hurt in you. I am NOT a trained professional and therefore I am totally unqualified to give any advice. But I will tell you what comes to mind as I read your words. The first BIG step you have to take is to forgive yourself. You did what you did and God gave you the precious gift of life again. It is in the past. Start by being grateful that your daughter did what she did to help you still be here. The tables are turned....you gave her life and now she has given life back to you. She is angry and may feel guilty that she couldn't have stopped you from attempting suicide. The relationship between a mother and her teenaged daughter is difficult enough without the extra stress you describe. Maybe you should seek counseling separately at first. There are experts on here who might be able to help you better than I can or seek counseling on your own. There are a multitude of issues that you both need to work out and I can't urge you any stronger to seek help immediately. If you feel you are going to harm yourself, please go to an Emergency Room or call 911.
The answer to your question "Is it worth living?" is YES! I am praying for you to work through this maze of anger and confusion to find each other as mother and daughter again. Please seek help from a professional as soon as possible.
In the meantime, remember that God loves you and so do I.
