AboutLynne Luckett Expertise I can answer questions about surviving suicide, about losing a family member to suicide and how to heal the hole that is left behind by a loved one committing suicide.
Experience My father committed suicide when I was 8 years old. It took me 13 years to even start dealing with his death but once the healing started it was truly an educational experience. I know now that he is with me all the time and though his physical self is no longer here, his spirtual self lives on in me and my son. I'm now 49 and have talked to several people about losing a loved one to suicide and have received some positive feedback about my advice. I am a medical transcripitionist and have been in the medical field for 20+ years. I feel I survived my dad's death to have the understanding to be able to help others. I love to help others.
Expert: Lynne Luckett Date: 11/26/2006 Subject: I wish I was gone!.. Please Help.. :(
Question Hi Lynne. I'm sorry this is probably too long for you're liking.. This is so pathetic, and I feel so dumb saying what I'm going to that I'm not even going to look at what i'm typing.I guess living my life on the computer DOES have it's benefits..
Ok.. I'm 17/Male/Jr. in High School.. I had some rough times during my 10'th grade year,and even got sent off to some place where other adolescents go to get help for anger,drugs,depression,suicidal thoughts,ect..While I was there I was on something to help me sleep,and an anti-depressant. I started feeling better;but ctually, I think I was just ACTING better so i could leave because I diddn't want to be there.After I came home, I started seeing a counselor and on some different anti-depressants. They diddn't help a whole lot.. Before I got sent off from some lady our Family Doctor recommended I go see at a hospital, I had been feeling depressed,mad,suicidal and even cutting myself a bit..We moved and things started going decent.. Now it's all gone back to h*** .. The other day just after school ended, I was walking to the bus and even rubbed my knuckles across the brick building I was feeling so bad..Everything seems wrong in my life!..Me and my dad ALWAYS argue;he's even thrown things at me a couple times and hit me a few times.My mom and I argue sometimes,and I even ran away for a night and slept outside about 20-25 miles away near where I used to live..I seem to gain-and-lose friends very fast lately.. I blame myself for everything. School is a nightmare and I'm failing 3 classes and beginning to have bad relation and friendships there!Work kills me because no matter what I seem to do,nothing is right or enough to please anyone, INCLUDING myself!..Home sucks because I'm so bored and lonely..I can BARELY trust ANYONE.. EVEN my own friends.. My life itself sucks and seems to have NO point at all.. This one girl I became close friends with and started liking more than a friend (Nicole) contributes to this quite a bit.. We've been arguing and fighting soo much; and a couple days ago she even said "I GIVE UP WITH YOU! Don't bother talking to me anymore! I don't give a s*** if you do or don't talk to me, but i really hope you do!" She's been leaving comments on my new friend's Myspace profile.. Nicole mentioned to her friend that I just met, that I had even made Nicole cry the other night.. I feel sooo bad..I've even tried ignoring her lately on the computer when she messaged me.. She finally sent me a message earlier on Yahoo saying if I wasn't going to talk to her, she was just going to delete me.. I still never responded,, but I did start to cry a little.. Everything I do seems to blow up in my face!.. Everytime I think something is right, it's all wrong. Everthing I think will be alright,it ends up terrible.. I really hate my life right now and I don't care what happens to me at this point in my life.. I'm NOT going to tell ANY family member or friend about this because I'll get sent off again and I WILL commit suicide after I get out,I can just about swear that.. Since my education is terrible,I know my future and I hate it.. I'll live in some box or dumpster when I get older with NO job.. I've often dreamed of having a family one day living by a lake in a nice little house doing a job I enjoy..My future is NOTHING.. I'M nothing..I'm a nobody.. No one really cares.. What I dream(ed) will NEVER happen;I'm too stupid and wish I was gone.. I feel soo bad and i'm soo mad and scared..I would kill myself right now,, but I'm too scared even though I already belive I'm going to Hell (sorry about language). What do I do?. Remember, I'm NOT telling family or friend's about this at all. Please help Lynne!.. I'm soo sad and scared.. :'(
Answer Hi Matt!
That IS a long question but I'm gonna give this my best effort here. What I want to tell you right away is I am NOT a trained professional. I am only someone whose father committed suicide when I was very young and I have studied the reasons why and how I felt and have gained some insight. Besides that, I am a mother and a compassionate person so even though I feel a bit overwhelmed I'm gonna try to give you some guidance. I hope you're still reading.
I'm glad that you were, at one time, able to talk to a professional about your troubles. It sounds to me though that you are not the only one who needs help. There should be some family counseling but I know you're not in control of that. The ONE thing that you CAN control is your feelings and your self-esteem. You care for Nicole quite a bit. The reason that you two are fighting is because you are feeling like you don't have control of your life. As soon as you take some control, Matt, I believe you will feel better. You need to practice self talk. Say to yourself "I know I am worthwhile. I'm a better person than to hurt myself. I love me too much to want to die. You have no right to hurt me but I will rise above it". Anger can be a very powerful tool that you can turn around and make a positive from. Once you start thinking positively I think you'll see that things will turn around some.
Okay Matt, I'm gonna get into an area that you may not want to read about so I'll contain it in a paragraph that you can just skip over if you want. But I hope you will read it because it is about hope.
I know you said you wouldn't talk to any family member or friend but how about a member of the clergy? Is there a minister or priest that you know that you could talk to? Even if you don't attend a church regularly I'm sure he or she would listen to you and give you a comforting shoulder to lean on. I am a person of faith Matt and I know for certain that God does not make junk! You say nobody cares, well I'm responding because I care and I'm here to tell you that God cares. You just have to open up your heart to Him and let Him carry the burdens that you have. I don't believe you are going to hell but it's not important what I believe about that. You have to make peace with God and yourself. He's the best friend anyone can have. Once you let Him into your heart, you will have such an overwhelming peace it will take your breath away. All you have to do is turn the energy of your anger to these words "Lord, please take away my pain. I hurt so bad but I want to do so much good. Help me to know You so I can rid myself of Satan in my life.". If you believe He will help.
Now, as to your dream of a house by the lake and a family. That's a doable dream Matt. You said your grades are not good. Not everyone is a perfect scholar. Fortunately, there are trade schools you can go to and get trained on many careers that provide good income. Computers for instance. You say you're good a computers. Have you thought about computer repair, or programming or networking or building, etc? You have a very bright future to look forward to. All you have to do is calm down a bit, realize that it's going to be okay and it's NOT all your fault, take control of your life and get that diploma. Then the world is your oyster my friend. The opportunities are endless.
I hope this has helped some Matt. I can probably say a lot more but I want to get this off to you so you know that SOMEONE cares! And just in case you skipped over the paragraph above, I have inside information that God loves you and is waiting to help you. He helped me at a time when I was feeling a lot like you do. There is hope.
