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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teen Dating Issues > My Relationship
Expert: Faith
Date: 10/8/2008
Subject: My Relationship
Question
QUESTION: Hi Faith, I have been with my girlfriend for one year and nine months, I love her dearly and with all of my heart. Since we have been together, I have seen us grown a lot. We have matured and learned a lot. I am a poet and wrote beautiful poetry for her for the first year and some change, she was more than willing to take it and I really still don't have a problem with that to do this day, I love making her happy because it inspires me. I did big cards, poetry, lunches, made things from objects around the house because I don't have a job and wanted to be creative, I drew pictures, myspace and etc, she loved it and that was my girl. I remember when we first said I love you, the place and everything, so does she. But it was and still is my first serious relationship, her's as well yet I still think we've grown greatly. Little things though such as petty arguments, wanting attention, attitudes and demeanor really hinder us, so much to the extent that we've broken up three times. We always tell our friends when it happens but eventually we just get back together again, usually making the breakups lose credibility. We argue over little things such as attitude, our temperament, how at times we can't have time we want and etc. I love her dearly, I'm 19 and she's almost 18 and we've been through a lot. Trying to move on isn't an option to me, I FEEL the love I have for her and I see the growth she has had with me as a young lady. I feel that we can overcome anything, it's just the matter of how we handle it. I hate breaking up to make up, I want to love her for the remainder of my life but some things have to change if we are to continue to grow. Please help me, how we do get past the stage of always arguing over the same things and stop breaking up, if possible?
ANSWER: hi james,
it sounds to me like you and your girlfriend are kind of taking each other for granted. i know that you don't mean to but since you guys keep going back to each other after breaking up then i think partly you guys aren't worried about losing each other anymore, at least not completely.
the thing is, sometimes couples need to take some time apart so they remember how lucky they are to be together. maybe you and your girlfriend could sit down and have a serious heart to heart. find out her side of the story and share your own. don't be hostile or upset even if she says things that are painful to hear. just be honest and open with each other.
and then figure out if you need to take a step back. not a break up but a little time on your own so as not to get overwhelmed. you know what i mean? let her know how your fights and your break ups mean. figure out where you're headed and where you want to be as a couple. be patient and understand and i'm confident that things will work with you two.
good luck!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: What do you think of bringing out friends into it everytime we break up?
Answer
friends are a great support system and it's important to have them. however i think that no matter how open you are with your friends, no one except the two people involved can ever really know or understand a relationship. they can give opinions but ultimately, you can't make your decisions based on what they say or think. it has to be from you.
good luck!
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