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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teen Dating Issues > controlled hands
Expert: Faith
Date: 10/7/2008
Subject: controlled hands
Question
I'm 15 and have been told that I am mature for my age, although I don't know how accurate that is. I'm in love with an amazing guy, and he loves me more. I have always had high values and standards, and he's the first guy who hasn't minded that. He's very honest, and when he's says he'll do anything for me, he means it. We held hands for the first time about a year ago, and continued to on occasion. We don't like to hold hands in front of others as much because we want to keep our friendships. Our firends are the same and they don't really approve of us. So we hadn't held hands for a while. He is old fashioned and sweet, and assures me he won't need as much of a physical aspect of our relationship if I don't want one, even though I know he'd like more (He's 17). A few days ago, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him and he said he'd like me to kiss him (if I wanted to). I asked my mom for her opinion and she freaked and said that I shouldn't even be holding hands with him because it will keep progressing after that. Now she doesn't let me out of the house as much and even though she used to love him, she doesn't want me around him. She knows that we both have FIRM resolves to wait until after marriage for sex. How can I stop her from controlling me and let her know how respectful he really is? Does she think I'm still 8 or something? Or should I honor her wishes and not hold hands with him right now?
Answer
hi tori,
the truth is, your mom is just being your mom. and part of being a good parent is trying to protect your daughter. my dad and my older brother are very protective to me and while it frustrated me when i was growing up, i'm very grateful that i listened.
i would say that you need to find some middle ground. don't go behind your mother's back but maybe you could get to like your boyfriend again. show your mom you're mature by listening to her rules but trying to act grown up. why not ask your boyfriend to hang out at your house where your mom can't disapprove? if she gets used to seeing you together and feels more comfortable with the two of you being together and eventually holding hands, things might get better.
she's not trying to insult you by thinking or treating you like you're 8. just remember you'll always be her kid so she'll always want to look out for. i can't tell you what to do but i would strongly suggest you don't sneak around behind her back. that would only make things worse.
good luck!
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