AboutRyan Expertise I can answer questions about long distance relationships, high school/college relationships, crushes, jealousy, heart break, love at a young age, sex at a young age and talking about marriage when you're in your teens. I can also help if your parents dissaprove of your bf/gf. I know all the lingo, I know Facebook, IMing, MySpace, etc., so hearing these words won't be new to me.
Experience I have been through numerous relationships, long distance relationships, and loving ones. I know how to handle every situation in the manner it should be.
Education/Credentials In college for engineering, have taken numerous psychology/sociology classes in college, as well as having a mother who is a psychiatrist.
Expert: Ryan Date: 6/18/2008 Subject: My girlfriend says she needs a "break"
Question Ok, I am 20 years old, and my girlfriend is 18. We have been dating for nine months now up until last night, she told me she thought we should focus on just being friends. Ouch, now I love this girl, and I just recently realized that I was truly in love with her, so this was not an easy thing to hear. It also wasn't easy hearing why. A couple nights ago she had stayed at her cousins about 4 hours away and had stayed up all night talking to some guy there and she said that yesterday she couldn't stop thinking about him and it wasn't fair to me. She also said the past few weeks she hadn't felt the same about me so she thinks if we spend some time just being friends maybe she will realize again that she wants a relationship with me. We have gone through a couple of breaks before and made it out ok but this time seems more serious. I gave her back the promise ring she had given me just a couple months ago and told her she could give it back if she believed what she had gotten inscribed on it, "we will make it." See, she is going to Chicago in the fall for college and I will be 3 hours away, we knew it would be hard, but were still going to try it. We had all these plans about getting married and having kids so I don't know what is wrong. She said she felt this way a few months ago but it passed within a few days. And as far as this guy, he lives in Iowa, we both live 6 or 7 hours away, so she assured me they aren't going to be dating, and I believe her, she wouldn't give up nine months because she had a good talk with some guy she hadn't met before. She says that with some time just being friends she might realize she really wants to be with me, and just tonight on the phone she told me she had been thinking today about whether or not she had made a mistake in breaking up with me the night before. So far, even though it's only been 24 hours, I think I've done what I can to give myself the best chance in getting her back. Even though we both cried when she was saying she didn't feel the same, I didn't make a scene or anything and as the night went on I felt better and told her maybe it wasn't a bad idea for both of us to get our heads on straight and take a break, even though I don't want to lose her. I didn't plead with her to stay, and I told her I would leave her alone today and if she wanted to talk she could get in touch with me. She kept texting me during the day, and would say she missed me and stuff. Also she was concerned that I would tell people we broke up and she would have to deal with guys calling her and trying to get with her, so she preferred I didn't tell anybody. Anyway, the night seemed like any other night we were a couple, we got dinner, and even had sex afterwards, and we are going out again tomorrow. I just want to know if it sounds like to you if she is a little confused and is doing this break thing as some sort of ploy or something, I don't know, it sounds to me like if she wanted space she wouldn't have texted me throughout the day like she did. I also wanted to know my best course of action for getting her back. I think I've done ok so far, I've not chased after her and told her I would be miserable without her, I'm trying to play it aloof, hoping she will almost be bothered by the fact that I don't seem bothered by it. Considering we had just talked about breaking up a few days before and she said she wouldn't, this all seems so sudden, I'm just confused by her tactics here. Anyway, I would really appreciate your advice on this, more than anything I just want my girlfriend back.
Answer Jarvis,
A break is something that needs to happen if she wants it. It's normal for her to want to take a few days off or so to recoup her feelings. A break usually consists of not talking at all, or talking very sparingly (once a day, through an IM or text), it sounds to me like it's not really a break at all.
It sounds like she still is in love with you, but she's confused. I'd talk to her when you can, and ask her how she's feeling about the whole situation, you, her, and the other guy. Express your feelings, and tell her you don't want to be a monkey wrench in the whole situation, and that you really need to know how she's feeling.
