AboutFaith Expertise I understand crushes, first loves, heartaches, heart breaks... how it feels to cope with school work, peer pressure, family issues...everyone has different experiences but i will always try to help you with yours.
Experience I know all about being a teenager. i was one and right now at twenty four, I have three siblings who are going through the same thing.
Education/Credentials currently a post grad law student
Expert: Faith Date: 7/4/2008 Subject: Post-Break Up (Is it too late?)
Question QUESTION: My ex-girlfriend broke up with me last week because of stress from her famiy, academics, school life and needed space. I of course felt heart-brokened and shocked about the situation. I feel a little better now since a week of time kind of healed my heart. Few days later, she texted me how am I doing and had a casual friendly texting conversation almost everyday. Things were good and I thought I was making the transition of "getting over her". But recently I met her at the hospital where we both volunteered once a week and when I first saw her since break up. All my feelings for her rushed back in me. It was kind of hard because the way she looked at me and approached me was different before. Obviously I'm not over with her and really want her to come back. I was thinking about being friends and texting her everyday was not a good approach which stirs more memories. I was about to go ask her out for a friendly date to a movie but I believe now it is too early dont you think? I read an article that told me to stop texting, contacting her too often, move on and see if there is a chance where she show signs where she misses me and then make my move. My goal is to be friends with her and improve my chance on creating a new relationship I'm not sure anymore and confused. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Thanks!
ANSWER: hi jay,
it sounds to me that your girlfriend didn't think your break up through. if she was having problems with family, school and other things that she can't control, she probably turned to the one thing she knew she could take charge of, namely your relationship. does that make sense? at the time she probably thought it would be best to break up but deep down maybe she didn't really want to. but it took a break up to make her realize it.
it's understandable that you're confused and even a little bit scared. she hurt you and she does need to gain your trust again. my advice is if you're not over her, than maybe trying to be just friends isn't a good idea. at least not yet. it's easy to get mixed up with the feeling of missing someone and wanting to be with them again.
but if you really think you want to be her boyfriend again, then maybe you can just be honest with her. tell her upfront that you miss her and that you want to be with her but you're not sure about where you stand etc. at least this early on you'll know where you stand.
i guess that's what i would do if i were in your place. it's really difficult to get over someone when you're around them constantly. it's even harder to pretend that you're okay with being friends when you want something more. but i would take the time to really listen to myself and figure out what i want. either way, put yourself first, okay?
good luck!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank You for the very quick response and very great advice! My follow up question is do you think I should lay off on the frequent texting and contact to heal? I believe it's too painful to save the relationship and starting a new one from the foundation again ( being friends)is more comfortable. I dont know. I respect her decision on breaking up 100% because I love her and do what I need to make her comfortable but my feelings are vice versa. Do you think laying off with the constant phone contact and if she still has feelings for me and wait for her to show interest or signs of missing me a wise decision? If you think I should still be actively contacting her. Is it alright to take her to watch a movie or should I give it more time first? Thanks for everything Faith and I'm sorry if I'm burdening you! :]
Answer hi jay,
it's no burden at all, i'm happy to help :-)
i think that if you are getting hurt by trying to maintain some semblance of what you had before then it's probably best if you lay off for a while. give yourself some time to get back on your feet and maybe give her some space to figure out what she wants so she can back to that place where she's not so stressed out or confused anymore.
you could also consider having a serious and honest conversation with her before doing this. let her know how you feel and what you want but make her understand that you both need time to yourself. you know that saying if someone's meant for you they'll come back to you? i'm a firm believer in that. because sometimes you can love someone and want to do everything you can to make them happy - and they can feel the exact same way about you - but it's simply not the right time, you know?
so i would hold off on the dating thing and start fresh and slow. give yourself some alone time and then start becoming her friend again. i would also suggest that if you guys do start becoming friends all over again, don't treat your friendship as though it's a stepping stone for a relationship. genuinely try to become her friend and vice versa. let it happen naturally.
