AboutRyan Expertise I can answer questions about long distance relationships, high school/college relationships, crushes, jealousy, heart break, love at a young age, sex at a young age and talking about marriage when you're in your teens. I can also help if your parents dissaprove of your bf/gf. I know all the lingo, I know Facebook, IMing, MySpace, etc., so hearing these words won't be new to me.
Experience I have been through numerous relationships, long distance relationships, and loving ones. I know how to handle every situation in the manner it should be.
Education/Credentials In college for engineering, have taken numerous psychology/sociology classes in college, as well as having a mother who is a psychiatrist.
Question I have a ridiculous amount of questions, and am unexperienced in this area so bare with me.
So me and this girl Jane, who is 15 like me, have been fairly decent friends for three years and we've both apparently started liking each other quite a lot. Neither of us have really "told" the other this, but it's quite apparent due to all the various "signs", such as the long prolonged periods of awkward eye contact. It's difficult to describe, but I'm completely sure of it. Anyway, we've hung out a couple times over the past week, mainly stupid stuff like swimming, but the problem is that it's really awkward and conversation comes in short bursts, as we're both fairly shy. Hence my first question: how can we make it less awkward? It might be worth mentioning that a friend of ours was at the pool both times. We're going to the movies when I get back from scout camp, and I'd love for it not to be so awkward when we're "alone".
This brings me to another point: we haven't really asked each other out, and I'd really like to do so in person and alone seeing as this would effectively be my first real relationship. The soonest opportunity would obviously be at the movies, but I'm a: afraid I might freak out since there's still people there, and as weird as it sounds b: end up kissing before we're even going out/passing by a perfect moment to do so because we're not going out. So first of another two questions: Should I ask her out before we see this movie, but not be able to do so in person? and the second one: would it be acceptable to kiss/hold hands/any other physical "intimacy" at such an early stage? I have mixed feelings on the last one, as the feelings and such are there, but I don't want to take it too fast.
And yet another issue: we both have very conservative/restricting parents. I can't be alone in a non-public place with any girl, and I can't help but get the feeling that it's going to be really awkward to sit there with parents walking by every five minutes. It feels odd to say this, but I would really like to be able to be alone with her just to generally enjoy being alone together and kiss/snuggle/make out, and perhaps more much later on, but never so far as to having sex. But that's probably precisely why my parents have the rules they do, and I can definitely understand that. I don't want her for her body at all but I can't deny that I desire for this relationship to have a physical part, as I think all good relationships should. It might just be hormones, and I'm probably thinking too far in, but regardless, the desire is there. So should I just give up on that part, or find a way to get things to work? More specifically, how would I get things to work? or be able to get alone with each other?
Another problem is that this whole thing is starting to become all I think about, which really bothers me. I've seen a lot of good friends of mine get all obsessed about a girl, and first of all: abandon friends and second of all: be ruined when it's over. I don't want either to happen, and I would very much like for this to just be a part of my life, instead of being my life. So how do I find balance?
Another question just popped to mind: in our extensive emailing, the subject of writing letters to eachother while I'm at camp came up somehow. Although it would be something for me to do, and would be pretty cool anyway, I can't help but feel that her parents would freak out if she got letters from me, and that I could very well end up become the laughing stock of the troop. Plus it seems odd to be writing letters to eachother when we're technically not going out yet. Thoughts? And regarding the emails, we have several ones going back and forth both with enormous messages, and I'm a horribly slow replier. Is it acceptable to not reply for up to four days in this case? as I really don't want to just be sitting at the computer writing emails all day.
I'm most likely thinking about this completely wrong, or way too much, and please let me know if I am, but it's been digging at me. And it could be worth mentioning that this would be my first real relationship, and I'm quite nervous that I'll screw it up.
Thanks for staying with me through all that rambling mess :)
Answer John,
It's going to be awkward at first, it always is. Try to think of more things to talk about that will break silences/long staring.
As far as the parent situation, you need to start off this way. If you two are alone with parents around, it will slowly, but surely turn into more intimate time. At first, they'll be walking by often, then it won't be as much, and sooner or later it will start to be something where you two are allowed to be alone.
I'd ask her out after a few dates. If the first date goes well, and you're getting the feeling it's the right time, then definitely go for it. The kissing parts, well, there really is no time that's perfect. Wait for signs from her, or for her to make the first move.
You need to create a balance if you two do start dating. Maybe designate days as "bf/gf" days, and ones as "friends" days. Also, try to incorporate her with them sometimes.
You're busy at camp, so of course you're not going to be able to respond right away. Reassure her that if you do take a long time, it's not that she's not important, but that you are preoccupied with other things. AS far as the letters, talk to her and ask her if she thinks her parents would mind, as you really don't want to upset anyone.
You're thinking about it a lot, and it's normal. You have a lot of feelings inside, ones you've probably never felt. Try not to over react, and just be calm. Good luck, smile, and look alive.
