AboutSuzi Zimmerman Expertise I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.
Experience Today 1 in 5 sexually active people has HPV (linked to cancer and genital warts) and 1 in 4 has Herpes. 90% of girls who do NOT use condoms become pregnant each year, and AIDS cases are on the rise. Those who do not have sex will not have to deal with these issues, nor will 99% of those who use condoms correctly and consistently. In short, abstain from sex or use condoms - and use them correctly.
Parents of adolescent and teen girls should research Gardasil, a vaccine against many forms of HPV. You may not think your daughter will be sexually active, but this will also offer her certain health protection in the event of rape - or should she become sexually active.
Question So, I've been dating this boy since May 12, 2007. It's been 15 months now. I really am in love with him. Neither one of us are really touchy people. We never hold hands in public we never show affection. We do cut up and laugh all the time. I think we have a very good relationhip. I'm so happy. He's my best friend. We spend so much time together.
When i'm not at school or when i'm not at work i'm with him. We are always together. But, the problem is, I think we are lacking in the intimate area. I'm not talking about sex becasuse I am waiting for marriage to have sex I just feel in any relationship that being intimate is important and we hardly ever are. We don't ever kiss, unless we are leaving one another's house or we don't even ever touch unless we are laying down together. We just pretty much act like best friends except for those coupld of things and I don't know what to do about it. Can you help me?
Answer This is, if you'll pardon my pun, a touchy subject. Most people consider intimacy sexual in nature, even kissing, because of the feelings it arouses. When a couple lacks intimacy, it could be because they don't understand the others' needs or definitions of the term.
My own boyfriend is not a kisser and I am, so I have had to compromise with him. I've given up some of my need for lip-to-lip contact and he's getting better at exploring it. I'm not sure your age, but you don't mention talking about it with him, and that's one thing younger couples seem to lack that older couples have an abundance of: communication. My boyfriend and I talk about the subject often. I know where he's coming from, and he understands where I'm coming from.
You and your guy need to discuss sex - even if you don't go there (and congratulations for having such a solid grasp on your values!!). Talk about what is and isn't sexual, why kissing is okay but sex isn't at this point. How much touching is okay? What makes you feel shameful? What makes you feel close to him and he to you and why? These are all important things. If your choice is religious in nature, explore what your doctrine says about it. If you are a Christian, there is a new movement and a great deal of material written on Christian sexuality.
If you aren't feeling satisfied with your level of intimacy, the ONLY way to improve is to explore, and the only truly safe way to explore while maintaining your commitment to your virginity is to learn to talk openly. No one ever said talking about sex before marriage was wrong.
Again, I'm glad you have your values in line. That's something many teens fail to do, then question how they ended up in whatever compromising situation they find themselves in. You deserve to be commended!
