AboutSuzi Zimmerman Expertise I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.
Experience Today 1 in 5 sexually active people has HPV (linked to cancer and genital warts) and 1 in 4 has Herpes. 90% of girls who do NOT use condoms become pregnant each year, and AIDS cases are on the rise. Those who do not have sex will not have to deal with these issues, nor will 99% of those who use condoms correctly and consistently. In short, abstain from sex or use condoms - and use them correctly.
Parents of adolescent and teen girls should research Gardasil, a vaccine against many forms of HPV. You may not think your daughter will be sexually active, but this will also offer her certain health protection in the event of rape - or should she become sexually active.
Expert: Suzi Zimmerman Date: 8/24/2008 Subject: Lesbian teen
Question Hi. I'm sixteen and a lesbian, living in a small conservative town. My parents are bible thumping christians! I recently came out to them, and told them I had a girlfriend. She and i have been seeing each other for about six months, and have been intimate. My parents were horrified, and told me I was going to go to hell. They made me feel really guilty and bad. They tried to stop me from seeing Julie, but I love her too much. So I sneak around behind their back. As soon as we graduate from high school, we are moving in together and out of this place. I hate it here, and I don't feel like I fit in. I'm tired of being told what a sinner I am. I am not a bad person. I have been attracted to girl since I was twelve! That is when I discovered I was gay. I can't help who I am. Why can't people just accept me? What should I do? I don't know why so many people hate gay people, but it hurts. Thanks.
Melissa
Answer Dear Melissa,
Thank you for your courageous email, and congratulations on coming out so bravely. You thought that was hard...the hard part is just beginning. I wish I could tell you otherwise, you I think you'd learn too quickly I was protecting you.
My uncle was gay and once told me that he wished he wasn't, and that made him sad to have to admit. "It isn't a choice," he told me. "Why would anyone CHOOSE to live in the daily hell of a gay person's life?"
He tried to be straight to protect those he loved, but he was lying to himself. He'd worked for a jewelry store for many years,and when he finally came out - at the height of the AIDS scare, he was fired because he would have too much contact with customers. It was ridiculous! Afterward, he dedicated his life to others. He volunteered as a teacher on a reservation for NO PAY, served as a missionary (where he kept his orientation a secret), and eventually took meals to men and women with AIDS who were too sick to care for themselves.
I also have a niece who is gay, and her family, like yours, is VERY religious. At first they didn't accept her and shunned her girlfriend. They have slowly since grown to accept her, but isn't it sad that we have to work so hard to gain others' acceptance?
The truth is, Melissa, we are a country who is a long way away from fully embracing homosexuality, because we have our heads in religion and think it trumps biology. It doesn't. Scientists have found a biological foundation (I won't attempt to explain it, because I'd mangle it terribly) for why one person is gay and another isn't. For your parents to expect you to be straight is like them demanding you be athletic, graceful, great at puzzles, or taller. They don't get it, because twenty years ago, people who were afraid of coming out hid their sexual orientation more often. Forty years ago, they did an even better job of hiding it. They think it's a choice.
My point is, if gay people can hide it and Bible thumpers are afraid to face the truth AND they don't understand it, then it's easier for them to say "Hid it or fake it or you're going to hell" than it is for them to say, "Wow, I don't really understand this, but we'll stick together and get through it."
Don't hate your parents. They are afraid, but you have to look out for you. Ask yourself this: Would God send a good person to hell for their biology? No. Choices, not biology, are what gets that eternal passport. Live a good life, give to others, be a woman of values (not OTHERS' values, but values you can believe in all-the-same), don't rebel, and don't fake who you are. Teach those around you to look at your good deeds, not your sexual orientation.
In a small town, it may be safest to be quietly proud instead of proud and loud. After you can move on to a more understanding climate, you can be proud and loud!!
Lastly, I suggest recording your thoughts in a journal. It will help you understand YOU and those around you.
I accept you, and Julie accepts you. That's two down!! You've got a way to go, so make the third person to truly accept you - YOU. From there, it will all fall into place.
