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About Northstar
Expertise
I can answer questions about how to make a long distance relationship work, how to work through conflicts that may occur within a relationship (ie jealousy, trust issues, controlling behavior, insecurity). I also know how to work WITH parents and siblings in a positive way so that they respect a couple's boundaries, and don't try to chase significant others away. I can answer questions about sex (whether you are being sexually harrassed, or if you are trying to figure out if you are ready to have sex). I can also answer questions about abuse (whether it is emotional or physical) and provide solutions and ways to protect yourself. I can also answer questions about how to read body language, how to approach a crush and get to know someone better. I can help people navigate conflict between friends and significant others. I know how to fix dating mishaps (ie how to minimize an awkward moment and turn it around to YOUR advantage).

Experience
I had many different types of relationships when I was in high school, and I believe that going to college also helped me better understand the dynamics of dating. I have younger cousins that are in high school, and I frequently help them with their problems (and their friends' problems too!). When you are a teen, dating can be very confusing and tricky, I have the experience and know how to help people work through their problems in a positive way. I've dealt with just about every problem out there, from friends who gossip to over protective parents. I understand that when a problem arises, it can be devastating, and sometimes a person just needs someone to listen to what they are going through and provide some helpful words.

Education/Credentials
I recently graduated from college with a BA in History.

You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teen Dating Issues > Girlfriend's best friend

Teen Dating Issues - Girlfriend's best friend

Expert: Northstar - 10/26/2009

Question
Heyy... My name is Conor,i'm fourteen and from Dublin, Ireland. Recently I met a new girl at a youth disco and I became close to her and now we are going out. I've been with her 1 month now and I dont love her but she loves me. I don't know what to do at all because I really don't want to be with her anymore, I much prefer her bestfriend. I think her bestfriend likes me but wouldn't ever do anything with me due to her friend being with me. I'd appreciate if you could help me to win my gf's friend over with the consent of my current gf, Iwould also love if you could help me with dumpin my gf without hurting her or making her dislike me. Regards,Conor

Answer
So, you want to break up with your current girlfriend in an agreeable manner- ONLY because you hope to gain her blessing and well wishes for you to go after her friend... I hate to break it to you, but this plan will never work.

You've only been with this girl a month, why are you so ready to give up on her? You sound like you have problems with commitment. I'm willing to bet that if/when you do get with the friend, you will grow tired of her in about a month as well. You are young and you clearly don't want to be tied down.

Have an honest talk with your girlfriend and try to make things work. Go out on dates, do things together, work on communicating with her better. If, after 1 MONTH of trying to make this relationship work you find that you still aren't happy, tell your girlfriend that you just don't feel a connection. Be honest, answer all her questions, and be ready for her to hate you for a few months.

Once you are single, STAY single for AT LEAST four months. Partly out of respect to your (now) ex, and partly to remember what it's like to be single once more. After four months have passed, you should be on better terms with your ex. If you can be friends with her and stay semi-close, then you should go to her BEFORE you ask her friend out. Tell your ex that you like her friend, but that you don't want to put her in an awkward position. Make sure she's okay with you dating her friend before you even ASK her friend out on a date.

Don't be surprised if both your ex and her friend realize that you're the type of guy that's best to avoid.

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