AboutBecky Expertise Life as a teen can be extremely difficult and everyone can understand where you are coming from. And although you may have the answer already in your mind, it's sometimes easier to hear it from someone else. I can answer anything from is he/she treating you right, is the right person for me, how to deal with break-ups and heartbreaks, and so forth. I can try my best to answer to your question as quick as possible. I can only try so hard to understand what you're saying so please, be clear about what you're trying to get across. As for length of letters, keep them BRIEF and to the point. Don't beat around the bush about what you're trying to ask, if you give me something short I can answer them with a better understanding of the issue.
Experience I too am a teen and find that these are the hardest years to have a relationship and really learn from them. Sometimes, it can be extremely difficult to see through the feelings that we posses and instead, we make the wrong decisions.
Organizations Chai Life Line Organization
Publications Yearbook
Education/Credentials York University for Professional Writing
Awards and Honors Honor Award
Past/Present Clients I once worked with Allexperts
Question There is a girl that I am very close to, we have been friends for many, many years. And I am super in love with her. When she was younger she had a really big crush on me and we started to spend time together and I started to really fall for her. But she was only 11 and I am much older then her. Over time we got more close and admitted our love for each other. She has had a troubled life and sharing feels is really hard for her. Sometimes the only way she seemed able to show her affection for me was by hitting me or sometimes biting me! Which I usually would not know how to react to. Definitely confusing. Once she told me she only bites the people she loves and that hurting me shows her love. She definitely has issues.
Anyway she is 15 now. And we haven't been very intimate, mostly because she is too young. But also because she seems to get overwhelmed easily. I try to cuddle up to her and sometimes she will like it and other times she really needs her space. But I sense my affection makes her feel smothered at times which makes me feel bad and confused. I just want her to show that she cares, give me a hug, cuddle up against me when we are watching a movie. But lately she is less and less interested in affection or love. She will sometimes act so cold and unfeeling. But I have dealt with it and her unstable emotions for a long time and just getting to spend time with her talking, hanging out and making her laugh and smile makes it all worth it.
But a few weeks ago we were walking together and she was going on about how she doesn't have me planned in her future. That no one is. And also talking about how people always care about themselves first. It made me pretty upset. When I told her that she was in my plans she smiled and when I asked "Didn't you already know that?" she told me that it was just nice to hear. When I asked for a hug that night she was very reluctant like affection was bad
I haven't seen her much lately. We've talked through texts a few times since but I have not seen her much. When I asked what was going on two weeks ago she told me she would explain later when she felt better. I told her that she always says we'll talk later but it never happens. But she said nothing. The next time we talked on the phone she was saying "funny how things change" and that she didn't have the same feeling for me but not in such a clear way. And then later we talked she seemed more normal like nothing happened but at the same tme cold and withdrawn.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling. My question is well, I'm not sure.
I love this girl with all my heart, but she is hurting me and being very careless with my feelings. She is very sweet but also rude and not good at communicating feelings. She hasn't any parents anymore. Her sister says that I am the closest thing to a father figure this girl has which makes me feel wierd. She also tells me not to worry so much. That it's just becoming a teenger and is natural. But I'm scared.
I don't want to lose her. I don't even know whats going on. A month ago she was telling me she loves me now she says I'm not special to her. We have a long history and very close relationship. I am worried she is throwing it away and I don't know why. Sometimes I think its because of my insecurity. Because I needed to be close to her when she needed space. I just don't know what to do. She hides things from people but I have always been the one she hid the least from. Now she barely replys to any texts and I never see her. I miss her and I am having trouble with just day to day tasks. If I don't keep myself busy I start crying.
Is the wasy she is acting at all normal? Should I take what she says to me literally? Her moods are all over and she even admitted to me before that sometimes she will say stuff she doesn't mean. Her sister told me she asked her what was up and how she felt about me and that she told her sister that she didn't know. That she was confused and didn't know what was going on.
Why would she push me away? Why does her sister and other people tell me it's normal teenage stuff? Why is it normal to push away the person you are close to? And the person who loves you most? How can I keep her close to me and loving me. She likes me, we have good times together and she is attracted to me. So what is wrong? I am freaking out and I miss her.
Answer This girl needs to seek professional help. The way she is pushing the people she loves the most away, is not the most "normal" thing to be doing. In fact, wouldn't you want the people you love the most comforting you and helping you?
Because she has lost her parents, she feels that you're just as important as they are. Thus afraid to lose you. Which is why she pushes you away at times. It's not because she doesn't love you, it's because she loves you so much that she's afraid of losing you all together - so when she does show slight affection, it's the way she really feels about you, but then she has this little voice in her head that freaks her out and that's what makes her pull back. She doesn't want to get too attached, because if she does, and you do leave her, she'll never be hopeful and will always push away the people that try to get close to her.
She needs to speak to someone because she's hurting you and will be hurting other people in her life. You need to give her that time to heal and if you two are meant to be together, you two will reunite in the end. But for now, she needs to deal with herself and her issues that have been going on for a while. If she doesn't take care of them, you can kiss your relationship good-bye.
It's not unusual for people to push away those that care about them the most. They take advantage of their love and assume that they'll always be there. If that's the person you want to be, just continue the way you two interact with each other. If you want to be with someone that's stable and able to accept love then you have let her grieve and help her get the professional help that she needs.
